Simplicity Parenting-Environment

For fear of this post turning into a book report, I would like to share some of the key information in Simplicity Parenting that stood out for me without going on about it at length, right? Keeping it simple. Why? In case some of you are still operating on a few hours of sleep a night or already captivated by good bedside reading.

In the introduction, the author, Kim John Payne, praises simplicity and simplifying life for kids. No one can deny that our world often feels packed with too much stuff, too many choices and not enough time; I've certainly raced in my car to get coffee, disappointed that they didn't have my usual brand and overwhelmed by the choice of beans: organic or not, 12oz for $13.99 or 14oz for $14.99, fairtrade, ethical or not, locally or faraway brewed, super yummy, yummy or drinkable.....argh! So what about kids? What's the kid version of my coffee dilemma? How can we, as parents, offer a safe place to just be kids, away from the hyperspeed of daily life, a way for kids to be free and to discover their individuality?

Environment is the first section of the book which offers tips on reducing toys, clutter and books, as well as sounds, smells and light. Here are some points collected from this section which I thought were interesting:

1.  The average child has 150 toys.
2.  Pester-power usually wins. That's why marketers have increased advertising dollars from $100 million in 1983 to $16 billion in 2009.
3.  A smaller quantity of toys invites deeper play and engagement. An avalanche of toys creates emotional disconnect and a sense of overwhelm.

So, TOYS, to chuck or not to chuck? (Or give to goodwill) Start with this list and chuck:

1. Broken toys.
2. Developmentally inappropriate toys.
3. Conceptually "fixed" toys; toys based on characters from movies, comic books or tv which leads to wanting "more of that series".
4. Toys that "do too much" and break too easily; "do too much" meaning that don't lead to imagination. (Usually toys with lots of buttons)
5. Very high simulation toys: toys with flashing lights, mechanical voices, speed, sound effects intended to "excite" and "stimulate" kids.
6. Annoying or offensive toys: I admit we have a few of these I still haven't been able to tune out.
7. Toys that claim to give a developmental edge. Play is not a race. It is not an advancement opportunity.
8. Pester-Power toys you succumbed to.
9. Toys that inspire and glorify violence.
10. Toy multiples. (oh, boy, this one is tough. The kid loves his cars and trucks.)

What's left? You'd be surprised that a manageable amount of well-made, attractive, "quieter" toys invites imaginary play and encourages kids to create new worlds and new ways to play without having to replenish the pile so frequently.

And BOOKS, how many is too many? Books can follow the same rules as toys. The suggested amount is to offer 1-2 accessible books for children under 8-9 years old. REALLY? This one was hard to accept given my love of the library, but considering that the kid usually only wants to read 1-2 books over and over, I think the author might onto something....

CLOTHES too must be simplified. This is something I think I've finally managed to tame and I can't tell you how easy it is now to get the kid dressed; I've whittled it down to 4 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of shorts, 2 long sleeve tops, 5 t-shirts, 1 swimsuit, 3 pyjamas, a coat, 2 sweaters, 1 pair of shoes, 1 pair of rubber boots and a handful of socks. Goodbye to pulling out a pair of pants and triggering an avalanche of other pants. As the author states, clothes only need to say one thing: "I'm comfortable and ready to play!"

Reducing artificial SMELLS (a.k.a chemicals), in the home such as air fresheners, scented candles, perfumes, and cleaning products allow mom and dad's natural smell to linger and to create a sense of safety. This part was easy for me since I'm not big on " Ocean Breeze" and "Hawaiian Dew".

LIGHT also plays a big part of a child's environment. Reducing bright or fluorescent light as well as the glow of tv and computer screens quiets the mind and slows the body. My kid loves sunshine. Sunshine! he yells enthusiastically as he looks out the window. (Some months of the year, I yell the same thing in disbelief) He also loves darkness, he calls it "NOIR", not to mention his obsession with "fooas", his word for flames. We light a candle to entice him to take a bath on most nights.

I've been on this "simplicity" kick for a few months now, and I had started to purge our home of unnecessary clutter, and already cleared most of the kid's toys and clothes, so I was happy to read that my plan had a significant impact on the well being of my kid. I probably could get my hands on a few more toy cars..

The next sections in the book talk about rhythm and schedules which I will review in a later post. For now, I am completely thrilled to watch my kid prepare "shakes" with a coffee container, toy cups and block kiwis.

My Zen Garden

my stuff

I've never been a very big fan of coffee tables. Sure, I like being able to put my feet up, if you're allowed, but generally, I find that most empty surfaces tend to get cluttered. Coffee tables are the worse for that: books, cups, pens, toys, notes, keys etc... I try to contain the stuff with containers. I use a big tray.




My husband had this habit of putting his stuff on the fire mantel which would drive me insane, so I gave him a tray too. (notice how much smaller it is..not sure if that was intentional). I think it made me insane because the fireplace is usually the focal point of a room and the junk, sorry, the stuff, seemed highlighted there. I put his tray up on our living room sideboard to protect the fireplace and designed the mantel as my zen garden aka no clutter zone.

his stuff

Up until recently, I've been growing my "back yard": 3 pots with grass. Today I took them outside for some fresh air and decided to refresh my zen garden. While reading "Simply Imperfect- Revisiting the Wabi-Sabi House" by Robyn Griggs Lawrence in my quest to continue adding some wabi-sabi to my life, I reread the chapter on uncluttering made easy. Two items stood out: allow only three items on each surface and keep windowsills clear of knickknacks and potted plants.

Okay so I was going in the right direction with having only 3 items, but not with the potted plants. So here's what I've come up with. My favorite school chair, a mini pumpkin and a river rock. So when the floors get covered in toys, counters spewed with dishes and stairs with shoes, I just have to look up for some zen.

My wabi sabi zen garden

Paper, Paper, Paper

The Pile
I've always thought that I was pretty good at containing and purging all the paper that enters the house: bills, receipts, cards, pamphlets, newspapers, flyers, bank statements, paper bags etc... but I was wrong. How do I know this?

The Realization
Last month, my husband and I started to clean out a large wardrobe (which we used as a place for junk) to make space for a desk. Aside from 3 staplers, oodles of pushpins and piles of picture-less frames, there was a mountain of papers. Piles of hydro, phone and gas bills, piles of bank statements, tax papers, investment statements, receipts, and warranties all with our personal information and account numbers printed all over them.

The Task
With the fear of identity theft we decided to shred everything. At some point we inherited a mini envelop size shredder, I think meant mostly for receipts. As I began shredding the piles, one paper at a time, as it clearly warns on the shredder, it became very clear that I needed one of those big shredding trucks . Most of the papers were not pre-folded to fit in so, I started to fold them, then I got super dry hands and paper cuts. And then I said: F***K! this is going to take forever. I guess it's payback for hoarding for so long.

I decided to take the pile down to the tv room and deal with it every time I watch a show which meant I had to ditch the shredder 'cause it was too loud. To save my hands I started to use scissors to cut out our "top secret" information. The pile got smaller and now it fits in a basket which I hide under the couch. (It's still there- I promise I'll get to it)


The New System
1. When one bill arrives, I pay it and throw away last month's.
2. I deal with each piece of paper on the first floor so that piles don't spread throughout the house.
3. I bought a small portable filing container where all our important documents live.
4. My husband and I get one shoe box each for back taxes.

So far so good. One basket to go!