Taking a Phlegm Day Off

I am grateful for phlegm. Yup, you read it right, phlegm. When most of us suddenly find ourselves back at the gym or working on our resolutions with gusto, thanks to my son, and his rolling ball of green phlegm, we've sitting in neutral; reading, watching videos and sipping on fruit shakes. A small part of me wishes I could invent some kind of vacuum that would suck the sickness out of him, especially when he wakes up in the night because his drool pooled around his face , but on the other hand, I appreciate the opportunity to slow down and do less. I'm going to call this, 'taking a phlegm day off.'

I think most of us have forgotten how to slow down, even in times when we're supposed to slow down, like when we're sick or on vacation, it seems we actually speed up: maximizing our time off to complete chores, fix the house, visit friends and family, and going out. But, by the Old English definition, the word vacation, means "rest and freedom from any activity." Rest and freedom from any activity, not taking a 10 hour red-eye flight to an exotic place, or cooking a ten course meal for family or shopping the crowded malls to get the best Boxing Day deals and rushing back to work to catch up on work that supposedly piled up while everyone else was also on holidays. No, not that.

Of course, you don't have to be sick to take a phlegm day off, you just have to imagine you live in a cabin in the woods without electricity, and let any of these slower activities slide into your day organically; sleeping in, reading in bed, napping, taking leisurely walks with no destination and no designated time to get back, eating whole foods with minimal cooking, any activity with pen and paper like drawing, crosswords, sudoku or writing a letter to a friend, drinking tea, or petting an animal. Do you remember the last time you had a real phlegm day?

In Search of Fish Tacos in Rio de Janeiro

So I've been challenged these days. Can you guess what's been the most challenging?

The 3 week cough that went away for a day and then returned as a head cold?
The yummy gingerbread people in my cupboard, singing carols on a continuous loop, testing my patience, knowing that the only way to shut them up is to eat them?
The crusty road rash spread across my son's face after a nasty face plant off his bike?
Telling my mother that her Friday dates with her grandson will be on hold until we come back from our 2 year relocation to Brazil?
Is it the paper chase and important document round-up?
Is it listening to a prospective renter tell me that she's been living in a former grow-op full of mold, mice and electrical issues while her other place is being re-mediated for leaks, and on and on and oh, by the way, do I think that it would be okay to keep a 5 foot freezer full or frozen middle-eastern food on the back patio?
Is it the ever growing list of things to do before we leave? Nope, none of those things.

Staying in the moment is the real challenge. That and doing less. For a few days, I carried around a mental list of "things we need to bring", mostly spurred on by expats in Rio listing off everything they miss from home, and I suddenly I had this belief that I need certain things to be comfortable while I'm away; like my natural toothpaste, and certain type of sandals for my kid, and a blow up pool to set on the bottom of the showers 'cause they don't have tubs, and a life jacket for swimming in the pool at grandpa's and a replacement-less-fancy-so-I-don't-get-mugged wedding ring to wear while I'm down there, and hard-to-find spices and.... Are you reading this insanity?

Those things don't matter. Yes, there will be things down there that cost more, some things will be hard to find or impossible to find and I will miss organic dark chocolate, fish tacos and English books, but that's all part of the adventure, isn't it? Because if it's all like home, then why go at all, right?

In the end, there will be a suitcase sitting at the foot of my bed. There will be only a limited amount of space. Us three, will be on that plane, together, but our suitcases might be bound for Taiwan by mistake...

In the end, someone else might be living in our house,
they might decide to store a skidoo or a stuffed moose on the back patio.
Or maybe our house will stay vacant, quietly waiting for us to come home.

In the end, we'll say goodbye to loved ones and we will cry.
And later, especially when the kid does something cool
or when we're celebrating something special,
we'll wish we could be with them for real.

So, to meet this challenge, here's what I've done in this moment; I've put a ready-made frozen lasagna in the oven, I've sat myself down on the couch while my kid watches cartoons, and I'm looking at photos of our past trips to Brazil, remembering all that is wonderful about it. Mission accomplished!

In Vancouver, maybe a seal would swim up to your boat, but in Brazil it's a manatee!

Now, that's what I call a vacation!

My father-in-law makes my favorite Brazilian dish; prawn and cassava stew!

Farmer's Market

This is the beach in Barra the Tijuca, where I'll be living. No seaweed here!

Can't wait to take the kid up to see the Corcovado on the train!

Simple Family Habits

There are some habits I've adopted over the last year that I've still managed to keep. Most of these habits I've stolen from other savy moms I know or from simplicity blogs. Here are some my favorites. I'm always looking for more good ideas, so please share yours!

1. Place 1 spray bottle with a water/vinegar solution and a rag under each sink in your home. I started doing this only about a month ago, and I love it. If I happen to be in the bathroom and notice it could use I wipe, it takes two seconds and presto!
2. Clear and rinse the sink after every meal. I've only started doing this recently, but boy, do I love it! It's like a clear counter, it just makes you want to cook something delicious!
3. Teach everyone to set and clear the table. It's the best way to support the chef in your family.
4. Always pack light. Trust your resourcefulness.
5. When it comes to mind, de-clutter where ever you are for a few minutes at a time.
6. Whether it's your toddler pitching a fit on the sidewalk, or your husband who is clearly not listening or anybody else who is rubbing you the wrong way, look up at the sky, take a deep breath and say to yourself: "This too shall pass." It eases the nerves.
7. Designate Zen Zones in your home: Clutter free surfaces where you can place one single beautiful item to admire like a flower, a stone, a picture frame etc...
8. Go outside every day no matter the weather. Do art, exercise, garden, ride your bike, take out the hose, blow bubbles, dig, read, take pictures, write a letter, eat picnics, fly kites, attend car-free festivals, geo-cache, ride your bike to a city park, or go farther to one of Metro Vancouver's 22 regional parks. (My favorites are Crippen Park on Bowen Island, Iona Beach in Richmond and Barston Island in Surrey.)
9. Give the gift of experience. My friend bought her husband a cooking class at The Dirty Apron, and he's still raving about it. Or if making tortellini from scratch is not what they might like, how about pole dancing or a photography class? (PS. Pole dancing is a great workout and a lot of fun!)
10. Limit your exposure to advertisement as much as you can. Paste a red dot on your mailbox to stop flyers and junkmail. Read books instead of magazines, don't give away your email or your phone number at any store, replace television with a new hobby, and stay our of malls.

Zen Zone Basil

The No-Nap Painting

There's something about having a coffee in neat neighborhood cafe in a new city that makes you completely content with life; a perfect moment. In fact, that's common with any activity you do while traveling, something as simple as riding a bike or reading the paper on a bench becomes more vivid, more "interesting" than if you were doing the same thing at home. Your friends say "wow" when you tell them about the time you did the crossword overlooking some suspended bridge or water fountain.

I've had a long serie of these moments these last summer days; sucking on homemade popsicles, watching the kid play with the hose, sipping wine with the neighbors, seeing the salmon jump the hatchery ladder, painting a large canvas and many other deliciously simple activities. I've enjoyed these slower days and relish them just as if I were on vacation away.

Sometimes I regret, for a moment or two, especially on long weekends, not having planned something more extravagant: a road trip, a camping adventure, or a romantic getaway with my husband, but I quickly get distracted with daily trips to the park, having snacks with the belugas at the aquarium and having the kid's friends over for old fashioned bed jumping.

My no-nap painting

It's been a week since my son has decided that naps were not part of his daily repertoire of favorite activities, much to my exhausted dismay. "I no close my eyes" he says as I set him down in his bed for "quiet time". As he's spending a good hour talking in bed and inventing scenarios with his stuffed animals, I've been downstairs painting away. Clearly, my frustration with the no-nap situation was transferring itself onto my canvas, because I think I've changed the colors of these darn triangles at least a zillion times all the while hoping I wasn't nearing that "gesso it back to white" moment when you've gone too far and it has become a big puky mess.

So much to my delight, the boy has broken his no-nap pattern today, and I am here finally back to my blog, listening to piano on CBC and feeling the breeze on the patio. Another perfect peaceful summer moment at home.

Simplicity Parenting- Filtering Out the Adult World

Okay, last section of Simplicity Parenting. It begins with a mother who is asked to use one word to describe motherhood to which she replies: worry. Wow, I was surprised to read that. I would have chosen love or joy, but I get it, worry and parenting seem interlocked, but it shouldn't define the entire experience! It continues to talk about filters parents can create to prevent kids from being exposed to adult information, fears, worries, stresses, concerns and also drives and ambitions.

First filter: Saying "No thanks" to television and screens. To mention all the findings that support turning off screens would take an entire other blog, so I won't go on about it, but one quote stands out: " By the time the average person reaches age seventy, he or she, will have spent the equivalent of seven to ten years watching television." Imagine, if you could take those 10 years and travel, or learn to play a musical instrument, or write a book, or spend with time with loved ones instead of watching tv?

I can see already, with my kids' natural inclination toward rhythm and repetition, that what started as watching "Caillou" every once in a while, has turned into a daily thing. I also have to remind him every day, that "Caillou" only comes after nap, and no, you may not watch it in the mornings. (He remembers the one morning I let him watch it while cutting his hair.) I hear friends with toddlers complain about it, about how annoying Dora's voice is or how the tantrums can be measured on the Richter scale when it's time to turn it off. One friend tried to tell her 4 year old that he could only watch t.v. on the weekends. Every morning, he pestered her: "Is it the weekend today? I just don't know many parents who rave about the benefits of television, or at least they are keeping quiet about how relieved they are to have it on when they need to shower, cook dinner, etc... I've also noticed some parents that say: "Oh, my kid doesn't watch television", while handing them their cell phone to play games.  I've been known to put on Sesame Street on the computer, although Elmo has been banned for a while now. It didn't take long to realize that it's only just a smaller screen. So, no matter what are views are on allowing screen time for our kids, we can probably agree that less is better.

A new mother recently visited me with her toddler for a play date. She proceeded to tell me about how sad she was when she heard about a mother and child that had been shot during the Colorado shootings. She couldn't help but tear up. I got the goosebumps. Our kids were playing around us. I hadn't heard about the shooting because I don't watch the news anymore and immediately remembered about filtering out the adult world. This clearly illustrated how television and the media can affect us, and how our kids, while seemingly unable to understand, do absorb on some level the stress it causes us. This example doesn't help to illustrate the next reminder in the book, that the world is safe, that there are not more kidnapping than when we were kids, and that children need to know that they are living in a good world with a future full of promises, but it's true. We, as parents, need to find ways to enjoy the times with live in so that we can breath and land the helicopter.

Second Filter: Have adult conversation when children are away. This is harder that I thought and something that I think will take time to get used to. It doesn't take years of scientific studies to know that conversations about let's say... your sister's divorce, a car accident on Knight Street, the flooding highway, not having enough money, or stress about losing a job create strong emotions, and that children feed off their parents' emotions. Stressful relationships too can have a strong influence on your kids too and honestly I've struggled at times with friendships that "drained me" and have had let them go. I also try my best to have "venting sessions" with my girlfriends over brunch while the kid is playing with his dad.

Third Filter: Talking less. Not every moment is a teachable moment. It's not necessary to explain photosynthesis every time your kid picks up a leaf. Keep quiet. Listen. You might hear: "Look mom, it's a boat!" This applies to any care giver I think. I recently met with parents who were raving about their daycare saying how wonderful it was when their 3 1/2 year old came home and explained about tectonic plates and earthquakes. What the ****? It is also suggested to talk less with children under nine about their emotions, which is something new to me. Emotional intelligence is vital for life, but cannot be rushed. When we push our kids towards awareness they don't have yet, we actually transpose our own emotions which overwhelms them. It benefits a child much more to simply listen as they become aware of their emotions and share them than to take their "emotional temperature" constantly by asking questions such as, are you okay, honey? Do you feel jealous of your sister? Is that why are angry? Sounds like a bit of hovering to me.... Finally, a good rule of thumb that reduces talking is to remind yourself: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

Fourth Filter: Stop hovering and back off! This includes letting the under-involved parent step up without hovering over by the over-involved parent. You know who you are. Step back and observe, let your child come to you.

Finally, the main goal is to provide a safe base camp for your kid like a little bird's nest, a cozy tent, a warm blanket, or a parent's hug so that when "things happen" these things feel less threatening.

So that's it! I hope you've enjoyed the information I've extracted so far from this book and my comments. You can visit the Simplicity Parenting website for other resources or put your name on the list at the library. Speaking of which, it's probably due! There will probably be more parenting books to come as the kid grows up and I find myself looking for solutions, but I think that this one is a good one to start with. A simple and doable plan. One toy at a time, one less word at a time, one less "Caillou" at a time...

Simplicity Parenting-Schedules

You might guess what this section of Simplicity Parenting is all about when you read the title. "Over-scheduled kids" is not really news and it's been discussed since the '80's when David Elkind suggested in his book, The Hurried Child, that busy parents might be pushing their kids toward adulthood too quickly.

So what's the difference between 30 years ago and now? Apparently, in the 80's, kids had 40% of their day for free time after school, eating, sleeping and homework. By the late 90's that free time had dropped to 25%. Parents have felt unfairly blamed by these findings, and I can see why when other findings show that on average elementary kids spend 1hour and 20 minutes a night on homework. Um....Being a kid of the '80s, I do remember spending a ton of time playing with my friends and my brother. We were only allowed 1/2 day of tv a day and 1 hour on Saturdays for cartoons. There were no computers, cell phones, or video games. There was a ton of crafts, fort building, snow tunnels, cardboard boxes, dolls, Lego, biking, and swimming. I do remember doing scheduled activities, but I don't remember doing more than one activity a time.

Even though my son is only two, I have noticed a gentle "push" from other moms to join in on scheduled classes: music, art, yoga, gymnastics, soccer, swimming, etc...but just as it is advocated in this chapter, balance is key. Plus, I refuse to spend $20 a pop for a kid's yoga class. We do our own bending for free. Another thing I've noticed is the proliferation of private "tutoring" businesses around the city, especially on the west side. Is it an Asian value that has been transferred here by the Tiger Moms? Are other parents catching the feline flu and wanting their kids to be concert pianists by the age of 4 while reciting the names of the capital cities in alphabetical order while playing chess? Is that what kids need to survive the future? Man, better run out and get Baby Einstein cue cards today, just in case! (sarcasm inserted here)

I have read a lot about "Tiger Moms",  and "Snow Plow Parents" (parents who clear every obstacle in their kids' way).  The Globe and Mail ran recently posted a parenting article titled: Are our pampered kids under too much pressure? which supports that over-scheduling children in an effort to give them an "edge" for the future simply backfires as relentlessly pushed and overloaded kids today are depressed, anxious, and experiencing psychosomatic disorders.

One example quoted in the article is from a book, Teaching Your Children Well,  which I thought was really interesting. When parents were asked what they thought success for their kids was, they answered; for them to be happy, well-adjusted, responsible etc... When their kids were asked what their success is, they stated: making a lot of money. Very telling, no?

According to Simplicity Parenting, interesting results from having more unscheduled/down time are that...

• It gives kids the ability to direct themselves, "enjoy" the feeling of boredom, and to find ways to fill their own time. 
• It allows kids to grow "roots" so that they feel strong when they are engaged in scheduled activity.
• It allows kids to be bored, which is a precursor to creativity.

Also interesting is that:

• Ordinary days allow the sensational days to shine, renews his your kid's a sense of anticipation and in turn, builds character.
• The messiness of free play with many changes, active problem solving and empathy for others gives kids inner flexibility.
• General, free physical play strengthens skills for organized sports.

So overall, I am reminded by this chapter, that it's okay to have ordinary days, that the kid needs to feel bored at times, and the "edge" I can pass on to my kid is the gift of lifelong balance and the importance of downtime. I am excited to see the world all over again through my kid's eyes, just like the other day when he realized that he could eat the ice cream and the cone too, but I am reminded, all in good time, all in good time....

Future soccer player?

Simplicity Parenting-Environment

For fear of this post turning into a book report, I would like to share some of the key information in Simplicity Parenting that stood out for me without going on about it at length, right? Keeping it simple. Why? In case some of you are still operating on a few hours of sleep a night or already captivated by good bedside reading.

In the introduction, the author, Kim John Payne, praises simplicity and simplifying life for kids. No one can deny that our world often feels packed with too much stuff, too many choices and not enough time; I've certainly raced in my car to get coffee, disappointed that they didn't have my usual brand and overwhelmed by the choice of beans: organic or not, 12oz for $13.99 or 14oz for $14.99, fairtrade, ethical or not, locally or faraway brewed, super yummy, yummy or drinkable.....argh! So what about kids? What's the kid version of my coffee dilemma? How can we, as parents, offer a safe place to just be kids, away from the hyperspeed of daily life, a way for kids to be free and to discover their individuality?

Environment is the first section of the book which offers tips on reducing toys, clutter and books, as well as sounds, smells and light. Here are some points collected from this section which I thought were interesting:

1.  The average child has 150 toys.
2.  Pester-power usually wins. That's why marketers have increased advertising dollars from $100 million in 1983 to $16 billion in 2009.
3.  A smaller quantity of toys invites deeper play and engagement. An avalanche of toys creates emotional disconnect and a sense of overwhelm.

So, TOYS, to chuck or not to chuck? (Or give to goodwill) Start with this list and chuck:

1. Broken toys.
2. Developmentally inappropriate toys.
3. Conceptually "fixed" toys; toys based on characters from movies, comic books or tv which leads to wanting "more of that series".
4. Toys that "do too much" and break too easily; "do too much" meaning that don't lead to imagination. (Usually toys with lots of buttons)
5. Very high simulation toys: toys with flashing lights, mechanical voices, speed, sound effects intended to "excite" and "stimulate" kids.
6. Annoying or offensive toys: I admit we have a few of these I still haven't been able to tune out.
7. Toys that claim to give a developmental edge. Play is not a race. It is not an advancement opportunity.
8. Pester-Power toys you succumbed to.
9. Toys that inspire and glorify violence.
10. Toy multiples. (oh, boy, this one is tough. The kid loves his cars and trucks.)

What's left? You'd be surprised that a manageable amount of well-made, attractive, "quieter" toys invites imaginary play and encourages kids to create new worlds and new ways to play without having to replenish the pile so frequently.

And BOOKS, how many is too many? Books can follow the same rules as toys. The suggested amount is to offer 1-2 accessible books for children under 8-9 years old. REALLY? This one was hard to accept given my love of the library, but considering that the kid usually only wants to read 1-2 books over and over, I think the author might onto something....

CLOTHES too must be simplified. This is something I think I've finally managed to tame and I can't tell you how easy it is now to get the kid dressed; I've whittled it down to 4 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of shorts, 2 long sleeve tops, 5 t-shirts, 1 swimsuit, 3 pyjamas, a coat, 2 sweaters, 1 pair of shoes, 1 pair of rubber boots and a handful of socks. Goodbye to pulling out a pair of pants and triggering an avalanche of other pants. As the author states, clothes only need to say one thing: "I'm comfortable and ready to play!"

Reducing artificial SMELLS (a.k.a chemicals), in the home such as air fresheners, scented candles, perfumes, and cleaning products allow mom and dad's natural smell to linger and to create a sense of safety. This part was easy for me since I'm not big on " Ocean Breeze" and "Hawaiian Dew".

LIGHT also plays a big part of a child's environment. Reducing bright or fluorescent light as well as the glow of tv and computer screens quiets the mind and slows the body. My kid loves sunshine. Sunshine! he yells enthusiastically as he looks out the window. (Some months of the year, I yell the same thing in disbelief) He also loves darkness, he calls it "NOIR", not to mention his obsession with "fooas", his word for flames. We light a candle to entice him to take a bath on most nights.

I've been on this "simplicity" kick for a few months now, and I had started to purge our home of unnecessary clutter, and already cleared most of the kid's toys and clothes, so I was happy to read that my plan had a significant impact on the well being of my kid. I probably could get my hands on a few more toy cars..

The next sections in the book talk about rhythm and schedules which I will review in a later post. For now, I am completely thrilled to watch my kid prepare "shakes" with a coffee container, toy cups and block kiwis.

The Gift of You

My friend Lynn brought me a delightful belated birthday gift: a bottle of wine and a lavender soap. I always appreciate her lovely gifts: homemade treats, magazines, soaps, little toys for the kid. My mom does that too, she always passes on something small and simple; a bad of organic kale from the garden, a book that inspired her, vitamins etc.. It's not always for a special reason, it's just because giving feels good and receiving does too.  I remember and cherish these simple gifts.

(and my sewing machine too, babe!)

So when it comes to giving, I'm going to remember my friend Lynn and think of small consumable, thoughtful gifts. Here are some of my favorites to give and to get for both guys and girls and the little ones too.

1. A nice loaf of bread wrapped in a tea towel.
2. A round of soft cheese like bried with a small jar of jam. (My friend Lisa brought me a lovely pot of lavender jam from a farm in Kelowna...yum, delectable.
3. A bag of organic coffee or tea.
4. Used books and magazines.
5. Herbs or flowers.
6. Anything from the local farmer's market; who doesn't want a giant basket of blueberries?
7. Anything made by a local artist.
8. Homemade postcards/stationary with a booklet of stamps.

Another way to offer a special gift is to offer your talents to those who don't have it. My dad is a wonderful guitar player and singer. On our wedding day, my dad and father-in-law sang a surprise song for us; pretty special considering my father-in-law doesn't speak English and they did most of their practicing over Skype. Oh, you might say; I don't have a talent... but think hard... you'll think of something. Here are some of the talents my friends and family have:

1.  My mom loves to clean and organize kitchen cupboards. Not just a little bit-a lot. She has a zillion other talents that she always shares with others. She's a bottomless pit of giving.

2. My neighbor Marie-Anne is super resourceful. She knows where to find amazing fabric stores, weird remote nurseries and delicious out-of-the-way places to eat.

3. My friend Nisha is a walker. She can walk for up to 8 hours and be completely chipper the entire way. If I need a long walk and good conversation, she's the one to call.

4. My husband makes meat on the BBQ. He rides his bike to a specialty butcher and gets them to cut a piece of the cow only Brazilians seem to know about. Invite him over and you can have yummy meat!

5. I have two friends, Meggie and Christy, who live far away and write me letters. In their own style, they have the quirkiest way of writing about their life; jokes, weird observations, diagrams, stick-people and loving words.

6. My son loves to throw himself on the floor when I'm about to take laundry out of the dryer. He laughs in anticipation waiting for me to throw the warm clothes on top of him. "Where am I? Where am I?" he asks with a giggle. I love it!

Rhino Sleeps in a Jar

Last night, after a very sweaty hour at Zumba where my brain was confused because it was telling my arms to move and they stubbornly stayed at my sides as if holding heavy shopping bags, I came home and curled up with 'Simplicity Parenting' by Kim John Payne. In just the first two chapters, there were so many wise bits of information to ponder over. I won't attempt to quote all of the things that stood out for me, but I might mention them as I incorporate them in my family life in no systematic way, but fluidly as days unfold.

I suppose I still had simplicity on my mind as I woke up this morning, and so I set out to find moments in my day that could benefit from a little paring down. More paring down? Yup. If you've been reading posts in the last few months, I've been really trying to minimize the amount of stuff that lives in my house and making a conscious effort to not let things come in. (okay, except for the sewing machine) So yes, more paring down. Author and family counselor, Kim John Payne, invites families to do some serious overhaul of toys and books; to get rid of old, broken, and loud toys. Toys that have too many buttons, that do everything for you or have only one function and don't allow for imagination. So without going all gung-ho on the toys and taking out the garbage bags, I decided to sit with the information in my mind. My mind was primed for simple play....

So today, the kid and I played with a jar and a plastic rhinoceros. We put him to sleep, closed the lid and sang lullabies- all the kid's idea. We put that rhino to sleep a lot, over and over again. It was fun. Later on, I had a urge to pack up dinner and go to the beach.... umm... tempting, but I when I really thought about it, I wasn't in the mood for bringing leftover fish stew to the beach and I also didn't want to come up with another "beachier' meal. So, simple wins again. Fish stew, and blueberries for desert at the diner table, and enough time to take the kid and his push bike up the block. For some reason, I had it in my head that we should go at least a certain distance, you know, to tire him out, but no, I quickly relinquished that idea when it was clear that all  the kid wanted to do is ride his bike around and around a miniature maple tree over and over again.

miniature maple leaves

Oh! And  I sewed a pouch for my very limited amount of make-up.

Zakka Style Pouch

Zakka Style Sewing

Don't you just love the library? You've probably heard me praise libraries before, just think, there are many places in the world where libraries don't even exist! Anyways, here's my latest find: Zakka Style- 24 projects stitched with ease to give, use and enjoy. The Japanese word Zakka loosely means 'many things' or 'miscellaneous goods' as well as a style that is simple, unique and handmade. Simple, unique and handmade? Sounds like something right up my alley! Apparently, I'm not alone in this alley, a quick search on the internet turns up hundreds of pages on Zakka Style sew-alongs (sew-alongs are web-supported groups of people who sew the same project at the same time, help each other and show off) so I was eager to get started.

Here's a photo of my pencil case which I completed in about an hour while the Kid was his crib singing: "Mommy, I don't close my eyes, I don't nap, Mommy."

What's fun about this style is the small amount of patchwork included in the sewing. I'm not much into making quilts and cutting a zillion little pieces of cloth, but with these small projects you can enjoy the combination of leftover fabrics without going bananas. The use of linen also gives the pieces a simple and natural look. I think I might repeat this project again, it was so much fun. Or invent something....

Oh and I finally got my hands on a copy of Simplicity Parenting- Using the extraordinary power of less to raise calmer, happier and more secure kids from the library, so I might have to slow down the artistic challenge so I can read it before the next person on the long, long, waiting list can have it. Gotta find out why so many people want to read this book! More on that later!

Travel Sickness and Packing Light

There is a reoccurring pattern in our family; colds and sickness like to come around just before or during vacations. Why is that? Because we're working too hard just before to make up missed work time? We're running around trying to get everything packed and cleaned before the departure? We develop an allergy to relaxing? So here is my plan to alleviate the "stress" of travel.

I'm making a big pot of cold green tea, in honor of light travel. I am toasting myself for being extra conscious as we are about to go away, to pack light and to remember that leaving the comforts of home is part of the adventure! Here's what I'm keeping in mind as we get ready to go.

I will take naps.
I will smile a lot and have fun.
I will make an effort to meet great people, because they know the great places.
I will eat slowly and savor flavors.
I will be present and won't think ahead about what we're going to do.
I will read a lot.

Happy Trails!

A Wilder Beach Day

There is something fairytale-like about Vancouver's scenery, especially when the Japanese cherry trees and the magnolias are blooming. If there's a bit of untouched dirt someone comes along and plants flowers. Just like a scene from Snow White, it's not uncommon for families of raccoons or Canada geese to cross your path and I often half expect that they start singing to me. But today, I wanted to leave the seemingly wild, yet manicured city gardens and the perfectly spaced logs on the beaches of English Bay to find something a little less "arranged."

Keeping in mind simplicity, I packed a picnic, beach toys, and art supplies and headed for Iona Beach. What a perfect morning; plane spotting at the airport, digger spotting on the jetty, birdwatching, sitting on logs, painting, digging in the sand, smelling algae baking in the sun, hiding in the wildflowers, wiping sand off cherry tomatoes, lying on a blanket with grandma, feeling a warm wind blowing, and most importantly enjoying the blue sky.

Iona Beach

Painting logs

Painting with sand

Digging

Hiding in the tall grass

Grandma sits on a log

 Plane spotting

Bringing Home Nothing

Still on my simplicity binge and it's been 3 weeks now that I have vowed not to bring things home aside from food and basics like toilet paper. I did break down twice. I bought a toy and a shirt. I won't use excuses like it was on sale, or it was used or made by a local designer. Although I did break down a bit, I am getting used to leaving the house and coming home with nothing. Not a twig, or a newspaper or an empty coffee cup.

One trick I found useful to avoid stores is to ride your bike. It's super annoying to lock your bike up, untie the kid, and deal with the helmets plus, without the stroller, corralling the kid in a store takes up way too much physical agility and negotiation power. Bike window shopping is the way to go!

Another realization I've had that really puts a stick in my simplicity wheel, is that I grocery shop too often. It seems I go to the store 4-5 times a week. This is partly due because I can't seem to find one store which carries both wonderful produce and decently priced staples without breaking the bank. The sensible part of me wants to responsibly plan menus for the week and make a detailed list of what we need, but the other part of me wants to eat pasta all week if it means I can veg on the couch for an hour before I have to head to bed. The problem with this is that I have very random stuff in my fridge and I'm just not a good enough cook to make something delicious with a can of black olives, oranges, bread, tomato paste, and kale. So back to the store I go. Gotta figure out a way off this grocery hamster wheel.

When I still lived at home, my mom would shop only on Saturday mornings. If we were pigs and ate all the cheese in one day, then too bad, no more cheese until the next Saturday. Often Friday would roll around, the fridge was practically empty and my mom would make something super yummy with with a can of black olives, oranges, bread, tomato paste, and kale...

I wonder where I got this idea that the fridge has to be well stocked at all times. It's okay to run out of bread or cheese for a day or two, isn't it? Once my mom told me that she always keep a big basket of toilet paper rolls in the bathroom because when she was little, and having too many siblings to count, they often ran out, and now she just can't relax unless there's a full basket in plain view. Maybe that's the same thing with me and the fridge?

Anyways, I will figure something out. Stay tuned.

Thanks for Bossing Me Around Kid

So, what's with the sudden impulse I've had to simplify and purge for last few weeks? I was having a little venting session with my neighbor, a mother of two, you know, not so much venting that it wrecks the rest of your day, but just enough to make you feel like you're not alone. She said that when her daughter was about the same age as my kid, she went through a major purging frenzy too. So like the kid would say: what's that mommy?

With a simple click on the internet, you can easily find out at what developmental stage your kid is at. You might read something like: at this age, your child is now obsessed with snaps and zippers. But what about mothers? There's nothing like: at this stage, you'll want to throw out everything you own for no apparent reason. So what's that all about?

I've been mulling over this while packing bags for the goodwill, and I think I've figured it out. It's about control. Theorists have labelled the period between 2 1/2 and 3 years old, one of disequilibrium, where children are confused, emotional, temperamental and have trouble completing tasks. Words that come to mind are: bossy, rigid, demanding, and temperamental. So what does this mommy do? As my kid becomes more and more rigid and demanding, I transfer my sense of control to the things in my home. My junk will not whine, change their mind, yell, or tell me what to do. I can just kick it to the curb! (Not that I want to do that with my kid, but you get the picture.)

clearing the barn

Revelations are always good for the soul. Does it mean that I'm unpacking my goodwill bags? No way. Inadvertently, my kid has taught me that it's good to have space; space to place things I really love, space to play, space to spend time together and space to recover.

Less plants to water, less baskets of knickknacks to fish around in, less toys to put away, less clothes to wash, less papers to deal with, less things to carry, easier surfaces to wipe= more time and more peace. Give me some of that.

Mommy, I want yogurt. Mommy, I want yogurt. Mommy, I want yogurt. Mommy, I want yogurt. Mommy, I want yogurt. Mommy, I want yogurt. Mommy, I want yogurt. Mommy, I want yogurt. Mommy, I want yogurt. Mommy, I want yogurt.


Oh look, do we really need this chair? Let's get rid of it!

Seeking Cabin Fever in the City

I just closed my eyes a moment ago, and listened to the rain. Memories of teenage bike trips to Pender Island came back to me. When we were 14 years old, twelve of us girls took the ferry, rode our bikes, and stayed in a small wooden A-frame cabin which belonged to our friend's parents. We had convinced our parents to let us go alone.  It might have rained every day we were there, but we had fun. Simple fun. We played cards, we took turned cooking meals, we braided each others' hair, we drew, read musty paperbacks, took walks down to the beach on windy days, warmed up with hot chocolate and did 1000 piece puzzles. We played "Hearts" and cribbage for hours. Sometimes if we positioned the radio a certain way we could hear music from a station in the states. All 12 of us slept in sleeping bags in the loft. When we got cabin fever, we jumped on our bikes and rode to the lake where we lay on the dock with our towels and dared each other to swim in the weeds. I remember doing that at night too. There were a zillion stars. It was a big deal to go to "town", town meaning a gas station, a small grocery store/a liquor store/ gift shop, because we had to ride far, up and down some steep hills, to get there. The only place to get clothes was at the Nu-to-U, a thrift shop that was only open on Mondays from 10 to 2pm.

There was no television, no telephones, no computers, no traffic, no appointments, no restaurants. There were tidal pools, bonfires, and frisbee golf.

It's old-school cabins, not designer cottages, maybe not without electricity and water, but quite possibly with an outhouse, are perfect places to remember the joy of simple living. This simple living allows you to spend more quality time alone, with others, and with nature. It's easy to relax. What if our city home was a cabin? What if we took turns making meals and doing chores? What if we took long walks along the beach, played cards, and read books on the couch? What if we wore the same clothes until they very visibly dirty? What if going to the store meant riding your bike for an an hour?

Is it possible?

My friend, whose parents owned this cabin moved back there permanently after high school graduation and it was hard for us city girls to imagine her being happy on a tiny island. We longed for big studies at big universities, long travels in exotic places, adventures and boys. We were wrong. She never moved, it's been 20 years now. I think she might be lucky.

Soap Stubs and Twist Ties

Once you get started, seeking simplicity is like a soft tune you keep in mind throughout the day. I've noticed in the last couple of days that I am getting stressed about Father's Day and complaining about it to myself. Nice eh? Is that a sign or what? So let's make it simple and fun. The kid and I made a card with sprinkles, walked my husband's bike to World Cycles for a surprise tune up, and gathered some decorations. MUCH better and I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

These past few days, I've slowly cleaned out drawers, baskets, bags and pencil holders, putting things aside "stuff" for goodwill. It reminds me of the Chinese artist, Song Dong, who convinced his mother to allow him to display everything in her home. 10,000 personal items turned into the most mind blowing installation which he entitled "Waste Not".

His mother, Zhao Xiangyuan, was born in mainland China in the '30's. The huge political changes of the '50's and 60's robbed her family's wealth and her father was deemed a counter-revolutionary. She kept everything. For me, someone who has never lived through war, a depression or political upheaval, seeing piles of old pots, stubs of used soap and old shoes, was unusually beautiful and unreal.

I still remember the comparison Song Dong made between our generation which so easily acquires and throws out, and that of our grandparents. Chinese or not. Even when my grandmother passed away, my relatives were amazed by the amount of neatly organized, labelled jars of pencils stubs, plastic bags, margarine containers, twist-ties, etc... that she had kept in her home. Things that even goodwill probably wouldn't take. She never wasted either.

What's it like to not waste? I don't see myself keeping everything like Zhao Xiangyuan and my grandmother, so I guess the only way is to prevent things from coming in. So far, my 30 day list has helped toned down the spending and the shopping, but "things" should also include distractions, stress, time-wasters like television, negative thoughts, doing too much, multitasking, eating too fast, driving too fast and noise. Asking myself these questions also helps.

1. Is this "thing" supporting what's most important to me?
2. Is this "thing" useful, well made and aesthetically appealing?
3. What is the "cost" of keeping this "thing", cleaning it, repairing it and removing it when it longer works?

and so the soft tune keeps humming....

Simple Pleasures

As promised in my last post, I will be choosing tips for the Simple Living Manifesto on Zen Habits regularly and try to incorporate more simplicity in my life. I managed to carry through yesterday's tip of "Carry Less" into today, bringing home 4 library books, rather than 20 and doing a small run at the grocery store. The kid wanted to be carried, so instead of carrying him, I distracted him by giving him a loaf of bread to carry on his own.

For today, I choose number 59: Make a list of your favorite simple pleasures, and sprinkle them throughout the day. Here's my list. Only 10 out of 50 so far today. Gotta get my sprinkles out!

1. using a nice smelly soap in the shower
2. going to bed in clean sheets
3. sipping wine while cooking

4. dark chocolate

5. the good tired feeling after a workout

6. doodling, drawing or painting
7. reading a book in bed
8. hugs

9. watching the kid do something new and saying: I did it!

10. take-out on a day I don't want to cook
11. bowls of berries

12. singing to a tune in the car

13. seeing animals/birds/fish/bugs in the wild or at the Aquarium
14.taking pictures

15. writing

16. drinking a strong cup of coffee in the morning

17. riding my bike alone or with the kid
18. watching my kid ride his bike
19. making and eating crepes
20. buying less stuff
21. licorice at a movie
22. wrapping gifts
23. dancing to loud music
24. going to the beach
25. floating in the water
26. picnics
27. brunch with my girlfriends
28. hanging out with my mom
29. family dinners
30. getaways with my husband
31. blowing bubbles
32. hanging on the sidewalks with the neighbors and their kids
32. sharing a bbq with friends
33. helping out
34. receiving "good mail"
34. wearing jeans
32. wearing a bra that doesn't hurt
33. eating foods I like when they are in season
34. a clean room
35. a funny story and a good laugh
35. a pedicure
36. a massage
37. playing the piano

38. trying out a new recipe

39. window shopping on a nice street
40. going to vintage/antique stores

41. listening to my boy saying: Okay Mommy! with super enthusiasm

42. seeing joy on my husband's face when he talks about his car
43. doing a crossword/playing scrabble

44. looking at babies

45. waking up to sunshine
46. reading in bed with my husband before lights out
47. baking
48. when my husband comes home earlier than I thought

49. throwing the fresh laundry out of the dryer onto my son

50. when my husband says I'm beautiful

Side note:
I've been wanting to get a copy of "Simplicity Parenting" and when I went on the online library catalog, it said I had to register for an Adobe ID, download a software and then download the book onto my home computer. Not simple. Instead, I had the librarian order a hard copy for me and when it arrives at my local branch, I will receive an email. That's easy. Can't wait to read it!

legfull of pollen

In the Grand Scheme of Things

Maybe it's been the discouraging amount of summer clothes that spewed out of my closet and nearly buried me, or the family budget screaming at me for overspending but I've had a persistent desire to purge, to simplify, to cleanse, to do less, to buy less... The web of course is obese with tips on how to simplify life, but in the spirit of simplicity, I've chosen 3 choice places to read, Zen Habits, The Story of Stuff and mnmlist. (see below)

Blogger, writer and more, Leo Babauta, writes on his blog Zen Habits, a short and long list of what to do to lead a simple life. The short, simple list is this:

1. Identify what is most important to you

2. Eliminate everything else.

The Long List is long, 72 tips long, but basic. I've chosen one tip randomly on the list for today: Tip number 63: Carry less stuff. Um...

Maybe it's that ol' girl scout saying: "Be prepared" that is still drilled in my head, but on most days, my diaper bag is more like a mini earthquake kit; able to keep my kid and I self-sufficient for 72 hours. As I was dumping out it's content, on top of the regular diapers, wipes, wallet and keys, I realized that I've been hauling a tube of sunscreen, sunglasses and a sun hat for the last 30 rainy days, enough tampons for 2 months, 3 rolls of 5 cent coins I've been meaning to take to the bank, a side pocket full of crusty kleenex and a camera. I won't even start on what was in my wallet. 

A major trim down of the diaper bag took two lickety splits of a second, but now the trick is to keep things out of it. We all have something, admit it: books, ceramic figurines, the latest Iphone, toys, clothes, DVDs, beer glasses, shoes, it can be anything really.... and in the grand scheme of things, (no pun intended) is it really important for us to have more?

If this seems like a lot to remember and too difficult to do, watch this short movie on The Story of Stuff to see why we really have no choice but to simplify and consume less. Then read the simple and infrequent blog entries on Leo's other blog mnmlist to get used to letting things go.

The Less Spending Challenge?

This month of May we are super over our family budget. I can't blame it all on the family visiting even though it's easy to get carried away with buying things to make our guests feel comfortable like new towels, pillows, cookies and fancy soap. Not to mention all the restaurants we deliciously and lazily ate in. There is also what I coin the "turn of season" spending; garden supplies, new bicycles and tuning, sandals, patio furniture etc... How easily it adds us, and forget about that beaconing tax return. It's not there for that. It's to replace our lumpy mattress, to pay down our mortgage, to take a trip to Halifax this summer, to sock away for new floors, and for RRSPs. And in a flash, it's gone! Never to be seen again until next April.

So now what? I challenge myself, since I seem to be the keeper of the family finances, to spend less in the month of June. I could overwhelm myself with all the advice I could find online, but I choose simplicity. Here are my ideas which I will post on my kitchen cupboard.

• Ride my bike, unless it's pouring rain, which it mostly could be, but nonetheless.
• Leave my cards at home. This will prevent urges to go to coffee shops even though I like to keep the economy rolling with this slurge.
• Eat my cupboards clean. Look deep. Eat the tiny bag of leftover spaghetti, the handful of sesame seeds, and the last three dates.
• Fight the urge to run to the store every time we are missing something. Miss that thing for a few days, then it's so much better when you have it. This may cause cheese withdrawal panic for my husband, but too bad.
• Eat less. Duh.
• Think super creatively to make presents for birthdays and Father's Day.
• Drink cheaper wine.
• Keep my friend Carolina's tip in mind: Never buy any produce that costs more than $2/pound. (That's tough)
• No clothes needed. Nothing we own is thread bare.

Can I do it? We'll see. I'll keep you posted. Bring me wine and cheese if you feel sorry for me. wink. wink.

Unboxing Summer Clothes

Unboxing my summer clothes has unleashed a whole new a cascade of wardrobe malfunctions. In an effort to reduce the pile of laundry of these slightly box-smelling clothes, I've realized some of the reasons I've come to this point.

1. I'm fighting the fact that my uniform should consist of t-shirts with various mosaics of stains, and stop buying "prettier" clothes which inevitably get stained on the first day I wear them.

2. I'm a compulsive pattern shopper. Every item I own has a pattern, none of which go with any other pattern I own. Hence the pile of solid t-shirts, which I mentioned before get patterned soon enough.

3. I've lost the ability to make outfits which my sensible grandmother and mom have always done. This is lost mostly because I shop sporadically during the year, buying one item at a time and along with my pattern obsession, well, I don't want to repeat myself. It makes sense right? Wait until September, buy several items at a time that go well together, put down a healthy amount of money, and don't return to shop until May.

4. I just have too many clothes.