Living in Korea and Brazil-Is it so different?

1998. Returning to Vancouver from Montreal after a year of being on welfare and working under the table, I rented a room under a porch with a then-boyfriend in East Van. Maybe it was because he peed in the shower, or simply because our relationship had run it's course, but we broke up, and I found myself semi-unemployed and living with my parents. In those days, there was no such thing as mooching off your parents past the age of 21, so I was pretty desperate to find a way back out of the family nest. So where does a still-recently-university-graduated young woman with a degree in Family Sciences go?  (I know, I know, you're wondering what Family Science is...) Korea of course! What could be worse, high unemployment in Vancouver or the aftermath of a paralyzing economic crisis in Asia? Ummm.... Let's go see, says me!

I spent three years in Daegu city, a super conservative city in the interior of Korea which boasted it's views of the surrounding mountains, and the tastiness of it's apples, but soon after I landed I nicknamed it 'The Armpit of Korea". It stank. It smelled of a mixture of kimchi, smog, pollution, sweat and puke. Unemployment and living with my mom suddenly seemed like a better option.

Okay, so in retrospect, I might have been in a bit of a hurry to get away and didn't choose the best place to go, but at the time, when everything seemed so unstable, I had an 'in" with a Korean friend who assured me a "real" teaching position in a "real" school which wasn't about to go bankrupt two days after I arrived. And thus, my first experience living abroad started. But why this little walk down memory lane back to Korea?

I am finding myself moving abroad again, to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. This time, for my husband's work, to be closer to the other half of my family and for the kid to learn Portuguese. I've been reading a lot of blogs written by women, some of them moms, who lived or live in Brazil and I guess I'm not entirely surprised by what they are going through.  A lot of their experiences and observations are very similar to what I went though while living in Korea. Some of the similar challenges include:

1. Friendships: Making friends that feel like "real" friends is always a challenge especially if you are in a place for a short period of time. Daegu city was home to three foreigners. Me, my colleague who was socially awkward and was there to spread the "word", and another guy who admitted to being there just to attend cheap baseball games and cruise for Korean women. There was one interesting Korean girl from L.A. who didn't speak Korean, and was there to rediscover her roots, but she got fired soon after I got there because she was caught smoking in front of the school. Smoking in public if you are a Korean woman is a huge social no no and as my Korean colleagues explained, others can't tell by looking at her that she from L.A. and doesn't speak Korean.

For reasons such as this, making friends with Koreans wasn't easier. I was never sure if they were hanging out with me because of me or because it was a way to practice their English, to gossip to their classmates or to boast that they had a foreign friend. Mom bloggers in Brazil mention that it's easier to make Brazilian friends when they have a kid because Brazilians are super-kid friendly, so that's a plus for me, but they also complain that it takes a significant amount of time to become fluent enough to have meaningful conversation. One blogger admits that often finds herself physically flinging herself at people across bars or running across busy intersections when she thinks she has overheard the sweet sound of English. Which brings me to the second challenge.

2. Language: My Portuguese is much better than my Korean ever was given that I speak French already, so I'm happy about that, but I know that I still have a long way to go. While in Daegu, I learned to practice what I call "social meditation", which consists of sitting for long, long, long periods of time cross-legged in noisy, smoky restaurants with crowds of drunken Koreans, not understanding a word being spoken, and pretending to be having a good time.

"We will go to sing Karaoke at the no-rae-bang (singing room), teacher, you will come with us?"
(Oh, please, can I? Can I please hear a drunken but seriously rendered version of "My Heart Will Go On" one more f*&$#ing time? Please? With reveb, please?)

-Insert happy meditation pose here-

3. Food: Both Korean and Brazilian food is meat and rice happy and delicious, but foreigners in each country don't seem to miss their own food, but that of other countries. While in Korea, I took 2 trains, a subway, a taxi and walked through a sketchy public market to find the only Indian restaurant in the entire country. That was the only non-Korean food restaurant I ever found if you don't count the one "foreigners breakfast joint" in Itaewon, Seoul's 'foreigner district', where they served toast, eggs and hash-browns.

As for Brazil, it seems foreigners, especially Americans are on a constant quest of "authentic" Mexican food, especially tortillas. That and chocolate chips. But at least, unlike Korea, Brazil does have a much more varied ethnic population and it's not difficult to find fresh sushi, Lebanese delicacies, and cheese fondue, a popular dish should the temperature dip below 25c.

4. Culture Differences: Most cultural differences are obvious and others are more subtle and take time to appreciate but all of them make the experience of living abroad enriching and memorable. Enriching and memorable doesn't mean that you don't have the right to explode in exasperation and frustration, bawling your eyes out, snot and tears running down your face and calling out for your mommy while the waiter passes by, shaking his head as if your crazy behavior just proved that yup, foreigners are weird.

When I think back on my 3 years in Korea, I think I stayed in the Armpit for too long. I should have left that day I exploded in the restaurant and called it quits. Because of this, my memories of my time there are like kimchi; at first, pretty nasty, but once the taste acquired, totally delicious. So, as I pack for my new adventure, I am reminding myself, that sure, adaptation is a process and homesickness is inevitable at times no matter where you go, but that Brazil has a million of it's own special wonders to show me, and it's up to me to stay open and positive to accept them.

I like this funny photo I caught in Cabo Frio, Brazil.

My Christmas Formula

Here is my Merry Christmas formula:


x+y+z<a+b+c

x=time spent worrying about what gifts to buy
y=time spent shopping for gifts including driving and looking for parking

z=level of anxiety when you think about your next credit card bill

a=time spent sitting around the house in pajamas curled up with a good book, or a Christmas movie or a glass of wine/eggnog/hot toddy
b= time spent with loved ones doing activities like admiring Christmas lights, sharing a meal, singing carols, decorating, baking, attending a religious ceremony, and drinking eggnog.
c=number of times you engaged in happy conversations with total strangers just because you feel festive.

Does it work for you?

Sure does for me, my abc's are super high this year, and it's only Christmas Eve! I hope you can recognize yourself in these keywords, my dear friends and family! 

Driving in a snowstorm, Gluehwein, Robson Square ice rink, the Real Vancouver Housewives, ballgown gawking, Christmas light hunting on the Westside, tourtiere, feast from Kushimoto Sushi, crab spaghetti with a friend at La Buca,  wandering at Oakridge mall without stopping at the pit,  red meat yumminess at Edible Canada, pretzel and squeezable mustard, plum pudding cocktail, pulling kid in a sled, stomping on snowmen, homemade scones with homemade peach jam, party at the neighbors, looking at the advent pocket every morning, Christmas stories every night, crafts, drooling at Birks, finding gifts at my doorstep, Merry Christmas messages on my answering machine, Nazrin, the Perfume Shoppe owner choosing the perfect scent for me, Dim-sum lunch at the Golden Swan and trying out TanTsan, Pacman spaceship with the weeboys and breakfast for lunch at the Wallflower, transit loops in the city with my kid, Laloo's birthday party, mailbox anticipation, Lussekatters and more, more, more!

I hope that you are all having wonderful holidays and enjoying the company of friends, neighbors, and family.

Equalizing Bad News

These days, the adult world is filled with disbelief and sorrow. The internet and the news is ballooning with updates and details of the horrific shooting in Connecticut. The madness is contagious, it spreads and spreads, people are angry, blaming guns, blaming government, blaming laws, blaming the system, blaming the shooter...and it continues. How could this have happened? The question lingers and lingers and we cling to the news in search of a reasonable answer.

I decided to put my fingers in my ears, and sing la, la, la, la, la, la! I've decided to return to the kid's world of anticipating Santa's arrival, shiny trees and holiday parties with neighbors and to leave the horrific adult world out of my house and my mind. Is it denial or lack of compassion? I don't think so. It's choosing to stop spreading the bad news. I heard it once. I cried for the families. And now it's time to return to joy, to equalize the negative energy in this world with positivity and love.

Last night, we were invited to a neighbor's house a party. Our hosts, Jeff and Karissa, hung a festive balloons from their ceiling, offered a mountain of food, poured wine generously, hired a balloon artist, and even took apart their bedroom to set up a bouncy castle for the kids. We were happily crowded together carving out spaces to sit on the stairs and all the kids were unbelievably well behaved. Everyone was so happy to see each other, having been cooped up indoors since October and missing our daily sidewalk chit-chats. I got teary-eyed for a moment, thinking of all the places I have lived where neighbors hardly make eye contact when you greet them. I was so grateful for the wonderful community that lives around me; neighbors who actually love to be together.

Surrounding ourselves with good people, that is the way to possibly soften, a tiny bit, the atrocity in Connecticut. To remember, that our true nature is to be loving, caring people.

In Search of Fish Tacos in Rio de Janeiro

So I've been challenged these days. Can you guess what's been the most challenging?

The 3 week cough that went away for a day and then returned as a head cold?
The yummy gingerbread people in my cupboard, singing carols on a continuous loop, testing my patience, knowing that the only way to shut them up is to eat them?
The crusty road rash spread across my son's face after a nasty face plant off his bike?
Telling my mother that her Friday dates with her grandson will be on hold until we come back from our 2 year relocation to Brazil?
Is it the paper chase and important document round-up?
Is it listening to a prospective renter tell me that she's been living in a former grow-op full of mold, mice and electrical issues while her other place is being re-mediated for leaks, and on and on and oh, by the way, do I think that it would be okay to keep a 5 foot freezer full or frozen middle-eastern food on the back patio?
Is it the ever growing list of things to do before we leave? Nope, none of those things.

Staying in the moment is the real challenge. That and doing less. For a few days, I carried around a mental list of "things we need to bring", mostly spurred on by expats in Rio listing off everything they miss from home, and I suddenly I had this belief that I need certain things to be comfortable while I'm away; like my natural toothpaste, and certain type of sandals for my kid, and a blow up pool to set on the bottom of the showers 'cause they don't have tubs, and a life jacket for swimming in the pool at grandpa's and a replacement-less-fancy-so-I-don't-get-mugged wedding ring to wear while I'm down there, and hard-to-find spices and.... Are you reading this insanity?

Those things don't matter. Yes, there will be things down there that cost more, some things will be hard to find or impossible to find and I will miss organic dark chocolate, fish tacos and English books, but that's all part of the adventure, isn't it? Because if it's all like home, then why go at all, right?

In the end, there will be a suitcase sitting at the foot of my bed. There will be only a limited amount of space. Us three, will be on that plane, together, but our suitcases might be bound for Taiwan by mistake...

In the end, someone else might be living in our house,
they might decide to store a skidoo or a stuffed moose on the back patio.
Or maybe our house will stay vacant, quietly waiting for us to come home.

In the end, we'll say goodbye to loved ones and we will cry.
And later, especially when the kid does something cool
or when we're celebrating something special,
we'll wish we could be with them for real.

So, to meet this challenge, here's what I've done in this moment; I've put a ready-made frozen lasagna in the oven, I've sat myself down on the couch while my kid watches cartoons, and I'm looking at photos of our past trips to Brazil, remembering all that is wonderful about it. Mission accomplished!

In Vancouver, maybe a seal would swim up to your boat, but in Brazil it's a manatee!

Now, that's what I call a vacation!

My father-in-law makes my favorite Brazilian dish; prawn and cassava stew!

Farmer's Market

This is the beach in Barra the Tijuca, where I'll be living. No seaweed here!

Can't wait to take the kid up to see the Corcovado on the train!

Happy St-Lucia Day

Nisha makes Lussekatters, 2006

It's been a tradition in my family to celebrate St-Lucia Day, a Swedish holiday on December 13th. There are slightly different versions of how this day came to be and how it is celebrated, but basically, to celebrate the darkest nights of the year, and honor St-Lucia, young Swedish women put crowns of candles on their heads and visit neighbors and friends with sweets. But, you're not Swedish, you might say, and it's true, but years ago my mom decided it would be fun to celebrate the holidays the way they do around the world and we adopted this one quite happily. It was easy, because "Lussekatters" are deelish!

Lussekatters, meaning Lucia's cats are cardamom or saffron buns, shaped more like flowers than cats, with raisins squeezed in them.  My mom got the recipe from a discard library book and as stated on the inside flap; " The perfect holiday gift, Feast-day Cakes from Many Lands will be a welcome addition to every housewife's culinary collection.

Yesterday, I made 3 batches of them because I had a bit of trouble with the yeast. Yeast is finicky; it doesn't activate if your liquid is too cold and easy to kill if it's too hot. The last batch was finally a success! We had some friends over to make them and had a lot of fun! There are different versions of the Lussekatter buns online if you are tempted to try them out, and while you wait for the dough to rise, you can watch this video of the St-Lucia celebrations in Sweden.

Happy St- Lucia Day!

Snowy Little Houses

I've been slowly working on a snowy village to decorate our mantel. I was at the dollar store with the kid and picked up some cardboard houses with ugly pictures on them. I picked the pictures off with an exacto knife which was a pain the a**because, of course, they wouldn't come off in one big piece but in a zillion little bits.

Once the images were peeled off, I cut windows out of each house and painted them white with regular acrylic paint. The fact that I butchered the cardboard trying to get the images off added a nice "stucco" a-la-greek look to them.  I put little fake LED candles inside and looks like some gnomes are home eating dinner. (I unknowingly bought candles that flicker which I'm happy about). A few trees from IKEA and a full moon and presto; a snowy Christmas scene!

ugly boxes

scrapped and painted

(I wish I was good at thinking pictures in the dark-but here they are-a glowin'!)
 

 Snowy village

Spreading the Holiday Cheer Advent Calendar

When I was a kid, at the beginning of December, my mom would pin an advent calendar on the wall for my brother and I. At first, we were happy to open the little doors and see pictures of elves or animals holding presents, until one year when some distant relative send us one with chocolate inside and then after that, pictures just didn't cut it. We had to have a chocolate advent calendar every year. If the chocolate behind the 24th door of December seemed bigger than the others, we would argue about who would get the odd numbered doors and who would get the even numbered doors. I don't remember how we settled that dilemma , but I do remember running out of bed in my pajamas when it was my turn to open the little door.

For the past few years, as I grow older and wiser, (the wiser part might be an illusion...) I take a moment before the holiday frenzy starts to remember what's really important to me during this special time of year. This year, I decided to sew an advent calendar, put little 'treats' in each pocket for the boy and my husband, but also reminders of how to spread good holiday cheer. Here are the 24 cheers I came up with. Hope you enjoy them.

1. Tradition Day. Share your favorite memories of Christmas with others. Start or revive a holiday tradition for yourself and your family. My favorite is making Lussekatters for St-Lucia Day on December 13th. Watch for a post about soon.

2.  Rethink Giving Day! Before doing more holiday shopping, think about what you already have; books, games, toys, clothes, jewelry, magazines etc...and think about people who would like to receive a gently used gift.

3. Cheerful Budget Day. Set an amount for holiday spending which feels comfortable for you. Make a list of people you want to give gifts to and research the cost of these gifts before you go out to shop. Set aside a portion of this budget for special food and libations too.

4. Charity Day. Choose a way to share your resources this holiday season. Maybe it's not volunteering at a soup kitchen handing out plates of mashed potatoes, maybe it's just popping a coin in an expired meter for someone. Do what makes sense to you even if it appears to be a small gesture. It all counts.

5. Smile Day! Use your smile to spread good cheer today.

6. Happy Friend Day. Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while and wish them Happy Holidays.

7. Listening Day. Instead of contributing to a conversation by giving your two-cents or talking about an experience you've had, contribute by being super curious, asking lots of questions or just plain listening.

8. Neighbor Day! When the weather gets bad, we all cozy up in our homes and don't see our neighbors as much. Make a point to connect with a neighbor today. Give them a call, knock on their door, make extra food and share or leave a small gift at their door.

9. Story Day. Find one of your favorite books, place a note or a Christmas card inside saying something like: "Hi there stranger! Hope you enjoy this book as much as I did. Happy Holidays!" and leave it somewhere for someone to find.

10.  Hug Day! Give someone a hug, not a quick squeeze, a nice long hug as if this person was going away for a long, long time.

11. Quiet Day. Seek quiet moments throughout your day. Create them for yourself; two seconds in the car before starting the motor, reading in bed before sleep, watching the weather through a window, taking a walk outside etc...

12. Red and Green Day. Get in the holiday spirit by wearing red or green today.

13.  Spread the Fruit Day! Staff rooms are notoriously bad for the waistline during the holidays.  Resist the temptation of another "treat" by stuffing fruit in your bag before you leave for work. Take extra for others.

14.  Someone you know hasn't heard you say "I love you" in a long time. Find or call that person and tell them. If you haven't told them in a long time or ever, they might be a bit shocked or weirded out, but don't worry about it. They'll get over it and love you back for it!

15. Make space for your new socks and underwear day! Throw away all your lonely socks and questionable underwear; what a way to get ready for the new year!

16. After You Day! Let people pass in front of you today. In front of your car, in front of you in line-ups, through doorways, on the bus for a seat etc...

17.  Give a Man a Compliment Day!  Men in your family, friends, co-workers even men you don't know.

18. Coffee Day! Bring a coffee to someone who looks like they might need a boost.

19. Rewrap Day. Use your creative self to find ways to wrap your gifts by reusing what you might already have on hand. Look around a home and at the office and collect materials. The internet if full of ideas and tutorials so take a look here or here or here.

20. Service Day! Imagine being in the shoes of the people who give you service today; mail workers, cashiers, bus drivers, store keepers etc. Give them a big smile, a big thank you, a card or a small gift.

21. Do Less Day. It's easy to get caught up in the holiday frenzy, even if you have your zen on, so to slow things down, take things off your to-do list. Ask yourself if each task is really necessary and if you can do without it. Scratch things off the list with pleasure.

22.  Spread Gratitude Day. Write or make a mental note of everything and everyone you are grateful for. Share it with others and they too will be reminded of all that they are grateful for.

23. Holiday Planner Appreciation Day. Someone you know has been running around, preparing the holidays to make them special;  someone is shopping, decorating, menu planning and cooking. It might be you, your spouse, a friend or a family member. Take a moment to thank them for their effort.

24.  Turn off the House Lights Day! Spend some time in the glow of your Christmas tree, light a fire or candles.

Sock Monkey Advent Calendar

Advent Calendar Treats

There are a zillion ways to make your own advent calendar, just take a look on Pinterest or you can buy one made of 24 little paper boxes at Ikea and fill them yourself with chocolates, little toys, snacks, love notes etc... Happy Advent!