Living in Korea and Brazil-Is it so different?

1998. Returning to Vancouver from Montreal after a year of being on welfare and working under the table, I rented a room under a porch with a then-boyfriend in East Van. Maybe it was because he peed in the shower, or simply because our relationship had run it's course, but we broke up, and I found myself semi-unemployed and living with my parents. In those days, there was no such thing as mooching off your parents past the age of 21, so I was pretty desperate to find a way back out of the family nest. So where does a still-recently-university-graduated young woman with a degree in Family Sciences go?  (I know, I know, you're wondering what Family Science is...) Korea of course! What could be worse, high unemployment in Vancouver or the aftermath of a paralyzing economic crisis in Asia? Ummm.... Let's go see, says me!

I spent three years in Daegu city, a super conservative city in the interior of Korea which boasted it's views of the surrounding mountains, and the tastiness of it's apples, but soon after I landed I nicknamed it 'The Armpit of Korea". It stank. It smelled of a mixture of kimchi, smog, pollution, sweat and puke. Unemployment and living with my mom suddenly seemed like a better option.

Okay, so in retrospect, I might have been in a bit of a hurry to get away and didn't choose the best place to go, but at the time, when everything seemed so unstable, I had an 'in" with a Korean friend who assured me a "real" teaching position in a "real" school which wasn't about to go bankrupt two days after I arrived. And thus, my first experience living abroad started. But why this little walk down memory lane back to Korea?

I am finding myself moving abroad again, to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. This time, for my husband's work, to be closer to the other half of my family and for the kid to learn Portuguese. I've been reading a lot of blogs written by women, some of them moms, who lived or live in Brazil and I guess I'm not entirely surprised by what they are going through.  A lot of their experiences and observations are very similar to what I went though while living in Korea. Some of the similar challenges include:

1. Friendships: Making friends that feel like "real" friends is always a challenge especially if you are in a place for a short period of time. Daegu city was home to three foreigners. Me, my colleague who was socially awkward and was there to spread the "word", and another guy who admitted to being there just to attend cheap baseball games and cruise for Korean women. There was one interesting Korean girl from L.A. who didn't speak Korean, and was there to rediscover her roots, but she got fired soon after I got there because she was caught smoking in front of the school. Smoking in public if you are a Korean woman is a huge social no no and as my Korean colleagues explained, others can't tell by looking at her that she from L.A. and doesn't speak Korean.

For reasons such as this, making friends with Koreans wasn't easier. I was never sure if they were hanging out with me because of me or because it was a way to practice their English, to gossip to their classmates or to boast that they had a foreign friend. Mom bloggers in Brazil mention that it's easier to make Brazilian friends when they have a kid because Brazilians are super-kid friendly, so that's a plus for me, but they also complain that it takes a significant amount of time to become fluent enough to have meaningful conversation. One blogger admits that often finds herself physically flinging herself at people across bars or running across busy intersections when she thinks she has overheard the sweet sound of English. Which brings me to the second challenge.

2. Language: My Portuguese is much better than my Korean ever was given that I speak French already, so I'm happy about that, but I know that I still have a long way to go. While in Daegu, I learned to practice what I call "social meditation", which consists of sitting for long, long, long periods of time cross-legged in noisy, smoky restaurants with crowds of drunken Koreans, not understanding a word being spoken, and pretending to be having a good time.

"We will go to sing Karaoke at the no-rae-bang (singing room), teacher, you will come with us?"
(Oh, please, can I? Can I please hear a drunken but seriously rendered version of "My Heart Will Go On" one more f*&$#ing time? Please? With reveb, please?)

-Insert happy meditation pose here-

3. Food: Both Korean and Brazilian food is meat and rice happy and delicious, but foreigners in each country don't seem to miss their own food, but that of other countries. While in Korea, I took 2 trains, a subway, a taxi and walked through a sketchy public market to find the only Indian restaurant in the entire country. That was the only non-Korean food restaurant I ever found if you don't count the one "foreigners breakfast joint" in Itaewon, Seoul's 'foreigner district', where they served toast, eggs and hash-browns.

As for Brazil, it seems foreigners, especially Americans are on a constant quest of "authentic" Mexican food, especially tortillas. That and chocolate chips. But at least, unlike Korea, Brazil does have a much more varied ethnic population and it's not difficult to find fresh sushi, Lebanese delicacies, and cheese fondue, a popular dish should the temperature dip below 25c.

4. Culture Differences: Most cultural differences are obvious and others are more subtle and take time to appreciate but all of them make the experience of living abroad enriching and memorable. Enriching and memorable doesn't mean that you don't have the right to explode in exasperation and frustration, bawling your eyes out, snot and tears running down your face and calling out for your mommy while the waiter passes by, shaking his head as if your crazy behavior just proved that yup, foreigners are weird.

When I think back on my 3 years in Korea, I think I stayed in the Armpit for too long. I should have left that day I exploded in the restaurant and called it quits. Because of this, my memories of my time there are like kimchi; at first, pretty nasty, but once the taste acquired, totally delicious. So, as I pack for my new adventure, I am reminding myself, that sure, adaptation is a process and homesickness is inevitable at times no matter where you go, but that Brazil has a million of it's own special wonders to show me, and it's up to me to stay open and positive to accept them.

I like this funny photo I caught in Cabo Frio, Brazil.

My Christmas Formula

Here is my Merry Christmas formula:


x+y+z<a+b+c

x=time spent worrying about what gifts to buy
y=time spent shopping for gifts including driving and looking for parking

z=level of anxiety when you think about your next credit card bill

a=time spent sitting around the house in pajamas curled up with a good book, or a Christmas movie or a glass of wine/eggnog/hot toddy
b= time spent with loved ones doing activities like admiring Christmas lights, sharing a meal, singing carols, decorating, baking, attending a religious ceremony, and drinking eggnog.
c=number of times you engaged in happy conversations with total strangers just because you feel festive.

Does it work for you?

Sure does for me, my abc's are super high this year, and it's only Christmas Eve! I hope you can recognize yourself in these keywords, my dear friends and family! 

Driving in a snowstorm, Gluehwein, Robson Square ice rink, the Real Vancouver Housewives, ballgown gawking, Christmas light hunting on the Westside, tourtiere, feast from Kushimoto Sushi, crab spaghetti with a friend at La Buca,  wandering at Oakridge mall without stopping at the pit,  red meat yumminess at Edible Canada, pretzel and squeezable mustard, plum pudding cocktail, pulling kid in a sled, stomping on snowmen, homemade scones with homemade peach jam, party at the neighbors, looking at the advent pocket every morning, Christmas stories every night, crafts, drooling at Birks, finding gifts at my doorstep, Merry Christmas messages on my answering machine, Nazrin, the Perfume Shoppe owner choosing the perfect scent for me, Dim-sum lunch at the Golden Swan and trying out TanTsan, Pacman spaceship with the weeboys and breakfast for lunch at the Wallflower, transit loops in the city with my kid, Laloo's birthday party, mailbox anticipation, Lussekatters and more, more, more!

I hope that you are all having wonderful holidays and enjoying the company of friends, neighbors, and family.

Equalizing Bad News

These days, the adult world is filled with disbelief and sorrow. The internet and the news is ballooning with updates and details of the horrific shooting in Connecticut. The madness is contagious, it spreads and spreads, people are angry, blaming guns, blaming government, blaming laws, blaming the system, blaming the shooter...and it continues. How could this have happened? The question lingers and lingers and we cling to the news in search of a reasonable answer.

I decided to put my fingers in my ears, and sing la, la, la, la, la, la! I've decided to return to the kid's world of anticipating Santa's arrival, shiny trees and holiday parties with neighbors and to leave the horrific adult world out of my house and my mind. Is it denial or lack of compassion? I don't think so. It's choosing to stop spreading the bad news. I heard it once. I cried for the families. And now it's time to return to joy, to equalize the negative energy in this world with positivity and love.

Last night, we were invited to a neighbor's house a party. Our hosts, Jeff and Karissa, hung a festive balloons from their ceiling, offered a mountain of food, poured wine generously, hired a balloon artist, and even took apart their bedroom to set up a bouncy castle for the kids. We were happily crowded together carving out spaces to sit on the stairs and all the kids were unbelievably well behaved. Everyone was so happy to see each other, having been cooped up indoors since October and missing our daily sidewalk chit-chats. I got teary-eyed for a moment, thinking of all the places I have lived where neighbors hardly make eye contact when you greet them. I was so grateful for the wonderful community that lives around me; neighbors who actually love to be together.

Surrounding ourselves with good people, that is the way to possibly soften, a tiny bit, the atrocity in Connecticut. To remember, that our true nature is to be loving, caring people.

In Search of Fish Tacos in Rio de Janeiro

So I've been challenged these days. Can you guess what's been the most challenging?

The 3 week cough that went away for a day and then returned as a head cold?
The yummy gingerbread people in my cupboard, singing carols on a continuous loop, testing my patience, knowing that the only way to shut them up is to eat them?
The crusty road rash spread across my son's face after a nasty face plant off his bike?
Telling my mother that her Friday dates with her grandson will be on hold until we come back from our 2 year relocation to Brazil?
Is it the paper chase and important document round-up?
Is it listening to a prospective renter tell me that she's been living in a former grow-op full of mold, mice and electrical issues while her other place is being re-mediated for leaks, and on and on and oh, by the way, do I think that it would be okay to keep a 5 foot freezer full or frozen middle-eastern food on the back patio?
Is it the ever growing list of things to do before we leave? Nope, none of those things.

Staying in the moment is the real challenge. That and doing less. For a few days, I carried around a mental list of "things we need to bring", mostly spurred on by expats in Rio listing off everything they miss from home, and I suddenly I had this belief that I need certain things to be comfortable while I'm away; like my natural toothpaste, and certain type of sandals for my kid, and a blow up pool to set on the bottom of the showers 'cause they don't have tubs, and a life jacket for swimming in the pool at grandpa's and a replacement-less-fancy-so-I-don't-get-mugged wedding ring to wear while I'm down there, and hard-to-find spices and.... Are you reading this insanity?

Those things don't matter. Yes, there will be things down there that cost more, some things will be hard to find or impossible to find and I will miss organic dark chocolate, fish tacos and English books, but that's all part of the adventure, isn't it? Because if it's all like home, then why go at all, right?

In the end, there will be a suitcase sitting at the foot of my bed. There will be only a limited amount of space. Us three, will be on that plane, together, but our suitcases might be bound for Taiwan by mistake...

In the end, someone else might be living in our house,
they might decide to store a skidoo or a stuffed moose on the back patio.
Or maybe our house will stay vacant, quietly waiting for us to come home.

In the end, we'll say goodbye to loved ones and we will cry.
And later, especially when the kid does something cool
or when we're celebrating something special,
we'll wish we could be with them for real.

So, to meet this challenge, here's what I've done in this moment; I've put a ready-made frozen lasagna in the oven, I've sat myself down on the couch while my kid watches cartoons, and I'm looking at photos of our past trips to Brazil, remembering all that is wonderful about it. Mission accomplished!

In Vancouver, maybe a seal would swim up to your boat, but in Brazil it's a manatee!

Now, that's what I call a vacation!

My father-in-law makes my favorite Brazilian dish; prawn and cassava stew!

Farmer's Market

This is the beach in Barra the Tijuca, where I'll be living. No seaweed here!

Can't wait to take the kid up to see the Corcovado on the train!

Happy St-Lucia Day

Nisha makes Lussekatters, 2006

It's been a tradition in my family to celebrate St-Lucia Day, a Swedish holiday on December 13th. There are slightly different versions of how this day came to be and how it is celebrated, but basically, to celebrate the darkest nights of the year, and honor St-Lucia, young Swedish women put crowns of candles on their heads and visit neighbors and friends with sweets. But, you're not Swedish, you might say, and it's true, but years ago my mom decided it would be fun to celebrate the holidays the way they do around the world and we adopted this one quite happily. It was easy, because "Lussekatters" are deelish!

Lussekatters, meaning Lucia's cats are cardamom or saffron buns, shaped more like flowers than cats, with raisins squeezed in them.  My mom got the recipe from a discard library book and as stated on the inside flap; " The perfect holiday gift, Feast-day Cakes from Many Lands will be a welcome addition to every housewife's culinary collection.

Yesterday, I made 3 batches of them because I had a bit of trouble with the yeast. Yeast is finicky; it doesn't activate if your liquid is too cold and easy to kill if it's too hot. The last batch was finally a success! We had some friends over to make them and had a lot of fun! There are different versions of the Lussekatter buns online if you are tempted to try them out, and while you wait for the dough to rise, you can watch this video of the St-Lucia celebrations in Sweden.

Happy St- Lucia Day!

Snowy Little Houses

I've been slowly working on a snowy village to decorate our mantel. I was at the dollar store with the kid and picked up some cardboard houses with ugly pictures on them. I picked the pictures off with an exacto knife which was a pain the a**because, of course, they wouldn't come off in one big piece but in a zillion little bits.

Once the images were peeled off, I cut windows out of each house and painted them white with regular acrylic paint. The fact that I butchered the cardboard trying to get the images off added a nice "stucco" a-la-greek look to them.  I put little fake LED candles inside and looks like some gnomes are home eating dinner. (I unknowingly bought candles that flicker which I'm happy about). A few trees from IKEA and a full moon and presto; a snowy Christmas scene!

ugly boxes

scrapped and painted

(I wish I was good at thinking pictures in the dark-but here they are-a glowin'!)
 

 Snowy village

Spreading the Holiday Cheer Advent Calendar

When I was a kid, at the beginning of December, my mom would pin an advent calendar on the wall for my brother and I. At first, we were happy to open the little doors and see pictures of elves or animals holding presents, until one year when some distant relative send us one with chocolate inside and then after that, pictures just didn't cut it. We had to have a chocolate advent calendar every year. If the chocolate behind the 24th door of December seemed bigger than the others, we would argue about who would get the odd numbered doors and who would get the even numbered doors. I don't remember how we settled that dilemma , but I do remember running out of bed in my pajamas when it was my turn to open the little door.

For the past few years, as I grow older and wiser, (the wiser part might be an illusion...) I take a moment before the holiday frenzy starts to remember what's really important to me during this special time of year. This year, I decided to sew an advent calendar, put little 'treats' in each pocket for the boy and my husband, but also reminders of how to spread good holiday cheer. Here are the 24 cheers I came up with. Hope you enjoy them.

1. Tradition Day. Share your favorite memories of Christmas with others. Start or revive a holiday tradition for yourself and your family. My favorite is making Lussekatters for St-Lucia Day on December 13th. Watch for a post about soon.

2.  Rethink Giving Day! Before doing more holiday shopping, think about what you already have; books, games, toys, clothes, jewelry, magazines etc...and think about people who would like to receive a gently used gift.

3. Cheerful Budget Day. Set an amount for holiday spending which feels comfortable for you. Make a list of people you want to give gifts to and research the cost of these gifts before you go out to shop. Set aside a portion of this budget for special food and libations too.

4. Charity Day. Choose a way to share your resources this holiday season. Maybe it's not volunteering at a soup kitchen handing out plates of mashed potatoes, maybe it's just popping a coin in an expired meter for someone. Do what makes sense to you even if it appears to be a small gesture. It all counts.

5. Smile Day! Use your smile to spread good cheer today.

6. Happy Friend Day. Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while and wish them Happy Holidays.

7. Listening Day. Instead of contributing to a conversation by giving your two-cents or talking about an experience you've had, contribute by being super curious, asking lots of questions or just plain listening.

8. Neighbor Day! When the weather gets bad, we all cozy up in our homes and don't see our neighbors as much. Make a point to connect with a neighbor today. Give them a call, knock on their door, make extra food and share or leave a small gift at their door.

9. Story Day. Find one of your favorite books, place a note or a Christmas card inside saying something like: "Hi there stranger! Hope you enjoy this book as much as I did. Happy Holidays!" and leave it somewhere for someone to find.

10.  Hug Day! Give someone a hug, not a quick squeeze, a nice long hug as if this person was going away for a long, long time.

11. Quiet Day. Seek quiet moments throughout your day. Create them for yourself; two seconds in the car before starting the motor, reading in bed before sleep, watching the weather through a window, taking a walk outside etc...

12. Red and Green Day. Get in the holiday spirit by wearing red or green today.

13.  Spread the Fruit Day! Staff rooms are notoriously bad for the waistline during the holidays.  Resist the temptation of another "treat" by stuffing fruit in your bag before you leave for work. Take extra for others.

14.  Someone you know hasn't heard you say "I love you" in a long time. Find or call that person and tell them. If you haven't told them in a long time or ever, they might be a bit shocked or weirded out, but don't worry about it. They'll get over it and love you back for it!

15. Make space for your new socks and underwear day! Throw away all your lonely socks and questionable underwear; what a way to get ready for the new year!

16. After You Day! Let people pass in front of you today. In front of your car, in front of you in line-ups, through doorways, on the bus for a seat etc...

17.  Give a Man a Compliment Day!  Men in your family, friends, co-workers even men you don't know.

18. Coffee Day! Bring a coffee to someone who looks like they might need a boost.

19. Rewrap Day. Use your creative self to find ways to wrap your gifts by reusing what you might already have on hand. Look around a home and at the office and collect materials. The internet if full of ideas and tutorials so take a look here or here or here.

20. Service Day! Imagine being in the shoes of the people who give you service today; mail workers, cashiers, bus drivers, store keepers etc. Give them a big smile, a big thank you, a card or a small gift.

21. Do Less Day. It's easy to get caught up in the holiday frenzy, even if you have your zen on, so to slow things down, take things off your to-do list. Ask yourself if each task is really necessary and if you can do without it. Scratch things off the list with pleasure.

22.  Spread Gratitude Day. Write or make a mental note of everything and everyone you are grateful for. Share it with others and they too will be reminded of all that they are grateful for.

23. Holiday Planner Appreciation Day. Someone you know has been running around, preparing the holidays to make them special;  someone is shopping, decorating, menu planning and cooking. It might be you, your spouse, a friend or a family member. Take a moment to thank them for their effort.

24.  Turn off the House Lights Day! Spend some time in the glow of your Christmas tree, light a fire or candles.

Sock Monkey Advent Calendar

Advent Calendar Treats

There are a zillion ways to make your own advent calendar, just take a look on Pinterest or you can buy one made of 24 little paper boxes at Ikea and fill them yourself with chocolates, little toys, snacks, love notes etc... Happy Advent!

Secret Zumba Night

Okay, my mom friends, this post is especially for you.

Two nights a week, Mondays and Wednesday nights is Zumba night. I put on my work-out gear, take my bag with a towel and water and take off. My son is used to my Zumba routine and whenever I put on my runners, he asks in his cute little voice: going to Zumba mommy?

Here is my secret.

I haven't gone to Zumba class for the last 2 months. I haven't stopped my exercise routine and I do go to the gym or for a run, BUT some of my Zumba nights have changed. Sometimes Zumba means going to the library and actually taking the time to read the titles or sometimes it means sitting in a coffee shop and people watching or going to the pharmacy and trying on make-up samples and getting expert advice.

I haven't told my husband or my son: it's my little secret, it's my time and it's delicious! I hadn't planned on sneaking out on my class, but found myself driving there one night and 'not going'. I didn't think to mention it when I got home and presto! Secret Zumba night was born!

(just go with it, honey, if you read this post! ;)

I figure this little untold white lie falls in the realm of other little things we don't necessarily share with our family like going out to get a brazilian. Am I right?

If you already have your "Zumba night", then I'm glad to be part of the club! If you haven't joined in yet, please do. Schedule it in!

Where am I?

Kicking Off the Season with Homemade Wrapping Paper

I saw an advertisement on television the other day with a supremely plastic family shopping for their holiday decorations. They were standing in front of a giant wall of matchy-matchy decorations; rolls of wrapping paper, gift tags, bows, ribbons, boxes of balls, garlands, bobbles, icicles, ornaments, and Christmas tree lights all in turquoise and silver. All ready to go and in this worry free color combination sure to match any home decor. BAM! Insta-Christmas!

Not my kind of Christmas. Yup, we're busy during the holidays, but so what?  It's a perfect time of year to get creative and to try to minimize our time at the mall. The key is to start early. Okay, not right after Halloween kinda of early, like some manic businesses who need holiday based decorations at all times, but you know, about mid-November.

Every year, I love to invent my own wrapping paper. I use left-over paper, stickers, string, paint, whatever I have on hand. Here are papers I've been working on with my boy:

Collage Wrapping Paper

The kid's craft station and our recycling bin is full of leftover bits of papers, stickers and string which I collected and glued together on a large piece of paper. Then I covered the whole thing with lots of white glue. To finish it off I ran it through the sewing machine, going through it in random directions to give it strength. I think it turned out really festive!

Tons of glue is the key- brush it on with a paint brush.

Wait until it's completely dry and use a wide or decorative stitch

I also collect our coffee bags because they are non-biodegradable and the only coffee company that takes them back is way out in Burnaby, so I decided to re-purpose them.

I cut them open lengthwise and washed them out

I sewed them together piece by piece like making a quilt

I added more colors of thread and zigzaged all over it

My kid is modeling the new coffee paper

I cut the paper and sewed pouches

I can't decided which I like best, the silver lining of the printed side

Today is Not Pancake Day!

As I'm writing this, I'm debating if I feel like making chia seed pudding for the first time this afternoon and also reminding myself to return my overdue library books and call my friend Lynn. I'm thinking about how nice it's going to be to go to the gym tonight and have myself a bit of mommy time. Chatter, chatter, chatter, this and this and this.

Isn't it amazing how our minds can fill themselves up so fast with noise, things to do, to try, and to remember? Just the other day, I swear the chatter in my husband's head was so loud, I could hear it. It's like grinding, squeaks and scratches. For him, it's the usual work chatter, so overwhelming, that although he was in the room with us, he was so completely dazed and distracted that if a giraffe had walked in, he wouldn't have noticed.

My own chatter takes over too and sometimes, unknowingly, I get lost in it and feel a general sense of yuckiness; like I'm running a race without wearing a bra and with grocery bags in my hands. But, these days I'm practicing returning to the moment. When the chatter gets too loud, I stop, close my eyes and take inventory of everything I notice through my senses. It sounds a bit like this:

Breath,
breath, breath
cold feet,
sound of fridge,
mint taste
breath, breath,
loosen shoulders
breath,
relax jaw
car alarm
breath

and so on. I do this until I feel myself come back to the present moment. And in that present moment, I realize that in that tiny itty-bitty microsecond, all is well, all is well, all is well and in the next itty-bitty microsecond, all is well. And the chatter fades.

I think we all have this chatter to some degree. Prone to multi-tasking and perfectionism, on most days, my moments of stillness seem like distant kites flying away from me, but I'm okay with that. I just let myself be surprised when I notice, hey, it's loud in here! Let's stop for a bit. Of course, it's easier to do this if you are in a quiet spot, but it's doable anywhere.

When my toddler is screaming his head off demanding I make him pancakes, and I tell him for the umpteenth time that today is not pancake day, I notice the stress rising in my body, and my patience rapidly dwindling. The chatter gets louder and louder: I'm not making pancakes again! Who is the idiot who started this pancake habit?, How will my son ever get proper nutrition eating pancakes everyday?, Why can't I have a peaceful breakfast for once? I'm so tired! I want to go back to bed. Why can't this kid entertain himself long enough so that I can pour myself a cup of coffee?

As soon as notice myself being swept away by this chatter, I seek that teeny-tiny microsecond where all is well. I don't always manage to do this before I've raised my voice or lied that we don't have enough eggs to make pancakes, and most times I don't manage it at all. But when I do, I really do. And this microsecond of stillness and peace adds itself to the other microseconds of stillness I've found before and the next thing you know it gets easier and easier to be in the moment.

Out of a Gunky Funk

In my last post, I announced that I would take a break from checking my Facebook account. It's been a week now and I can't say that it made a huge impact on my life, it's not like quitting smoking or drinking coffee, but for the first few days, I did notice how often I was compelled to check my account and had to divert my online time to other sites. I spent more time on websites dedicated to my artistic and creative pursuits and listened to more CBC. Not checking my FB account also decreased the overall time I spent online. Not that I spent hours and hours looking at Facebook, but every time I checked, this would inevitably lead to more time spent online looking at other sites. So instead, I found myself doing other fun things; sewing, writing, goofying around with my kid, baking an apple pie, and doing some soul healing. Soul healing? Yup, that's what happens when you make space, something comes along to fill it.

It may or may not be obvious from the previous posts that I had been in quite a gunky funk and luckily, there were caring people out there that held up giant flags of love for me. Despite my upsets, complaints and anger, these people, whether consciously or not, have, in their own ways pointed me toward creating the peace only I can have for myself. Some friends let me cry and validated my frustrations and anger and others shared funny stories to lift the "seriousness" of it all. While some simply tolerated me in silence, another offered gentle hints by reading quotes from Eckhart Tolle's, A New Earth. If you haven't read Mr. Tolle's books, then the following might seen a bit cryptic, but then maybe not.

Whenever I read Eckhart Tolle's novels or articles, I feel like I have to re-read the same paragraphs several times before it feels like I understand what he trying to say. But, from the little bit I was able to re-read during the kid's nap, I deduced that the cause of my prolonged funk was due to being on an extreme ego trip.

In a quick attempt, and maybe quick is not the best way, to disarm my ego and it's need to be right, be special and to stand out, I listed a list of grievances. As I was writing these out, I paused, felt each grievance for a moment, and kept writing until I could no longer think of anything else to add. Once I got to the end, I no longer felt any emotion and the whole list felt like a grocery list. I also spend time forgiving myself for having each grievance.

This quote really clicked for me.  "The moment you become aware of a negative state within yourself, it does not mean you have failed. It means you are have succeeded. The thoughts, emotions or reactions are recognized, and in the moment of recognizing, dis-identification happens automatically. Your sense of self, of who you are, then undergoes a shift: Before you were the thoughts, emotions, and reactions; now you are the awareness, the conscious Presence that witnesses those states."

Once I was reminded that my negative thoughts are just a cause of a hyperactive ego, I was able to see them coming instantly and to dismiss them, as they serve no purpose to me at all, and quite simply only act as the biggest sticks in my wheels. So there you go! In weird loopy way, spending less time on Facebook and doing other things, lifted me out of my funk. 

On another related note, I recently tried to get rid of my depression, by smashing some plates against a wall, and left some plates behind along with a note inviting someone else to smash some. And someone did! He's what he said in an email to me:


Thank you, you are a good samaritan and a genius.

I only needed to smash one plate today, so I left the rest of the stack and the note after gathering up the pieces. 

You've inspired me in two ways. first, random acts like your plates make the world a better place, I've been looking at too big a picture in terms of my art and my scope of effectiveness in the world, when I don't really know how to get the little things done, I find them annoying and base, but they're the most important. Second, i can always just go to a thrift store and buy a stack of smashable plates, as long as I clean up after myself. 

Stay Classy, 

D.

  
So in the end, I think something good came out my bad mood, and so, I forgive myself for being in such a nasty funk. And, to re-invent my Facebook habit, I've decided to name Fridays: Facebook Fridays, and to only check and update then. FBF! See you then!

Mouse Pooh Love Facebook

I've decided to put away Facebook for a while. Why? I'm not completely sure, but I've noticed that it's become a habit to check my account several times a day, and when I do, I don't feel that good about it.

At first, I thought it was about update frequency. I'm one of those people who prefers to "reserve" information so when I see someone in person, I feel I have something to add to the  conversation. Others prefer to keep their friends in the loop on a more regular basis. But, what is a valuable update and what is just "filling cyber space"? Unlike your friends who give you moment-by-moment updates of their cat's recovery from a bad case of diarrhea, your updates are obviously much more interesting and awe-inspiring, right? I, too wonder if what I'm sharing is actually interesting to others. Is discrepancy in frequency and quality of content, the reason why I'm cutting myself off? Not entirely, it could also be about the false sense of connection I feel when I log on.

Mike, a "friend" I knew 20 years ago and haven't seen since updates from the ferry he captains on False Creek saying "Quiet morning on the water. This time of year we often don't see any passengers for the first few hours. Consequently my singing voice gets pretty strong." I picture him floating there and it takes me away from the boredom of being stuck at home while the kid naps. But we're not really friends...

Maybe it's about "mouse pooh love", a term my friend Meggie and I coined over the phone one night. You know that little jolt of excitement you get when you get a message, comment or a "like"? Each of those act like a positive shot to our ego; someone thinks we're clever, funny, informative, observant, or important. Someone "likes" us. It's not the same big feeling we get from a heart-felt hug and an "I love you"; it's a mouse pooh sized bit of love. And like watery coffee, you just never feel quite satisfied and you need more coffee throughout the day. Ah, addiction!

When I told my husband I was going cold turkey off Facebook for a while, he offered an interesting perspective; Facebook is a collection of advertisements about people you know. Like watching television and only seeing ads. I laughed. Advertisements and most of all television advertisements drive me completely bonkers, so maybe that's why I've been feeling "annoyed". 

Am I never going back? Probably not, but I am making an effort to break the habit. I do appreciate that I can use it to check in with friends, especially those who live far away in a different time zone but I plan on picking up the phone more and to continue with my snail mail. For a while at least. Keep in touch!

Is this photo Facebook worthy? Not sure....

Smashing Plates for Real!

In my last post, I thought about beating the blues by smashing plates to a good song and putting on a ridiculous prom dress. I couldn't get my hands on a fluffy dress with puffy sleeves, but I did put on some high heels, and have a sip of rum to warm up. I picked a spot under the skytrain, and only one guy walking his dog came by and quickly walked away when he saw what I was doing. Ha, Ha, Ha! All in all, it was pretty effective. I felt much better and celebrated with fish tacos and people watching on the drive. As for a babysitter or sex, hasn't panned out... yet!:)

Tequila Shots and Plate Smashing

It's funny how depression creeps up on me slowly and it gives me little signs, it doesn't hide behind something and then kaplow! jumps up and says: feel lame now! It creeps in when I don't make time for myself, when I don't exercise, when I feel lonely, but don't make an effort to reach out, and when I eat a lot of granola or Greek vanilla yogurt.

I feel like the soaked leaves on the sidewalk, all mushed up with no where to go. Like the tasteless soup I dumped out after a day in the slow cooker. Like deflated birthday balloon found under the couch.  Listing these similes is cheering me up a little bit, ooh... In the past I used to worry when I felt depressed, stress out about it and created a bit of drama for myself, but now, I simply notice it and let myself fall into it. I don't feel guilty about it, I don't try to mask it by doing chores or baking, I just let it be. It goes away eventually. It always does. Like an English as a second language student who is here to study for a while and then goes back home.

So like I said, I'm quite content sitting with my sorry self for now, but at some point I'll get the urge to do something about it. Before the kid, furniture rearranging, heading for the border, retail therapy, sharing a bottle of red with a funny friend or taking an entire day to make a giant paella with my husband would have done the trick, but things have changed. How have they changed? At first, I thought it was spontaneity that was missing, but it's not entirely that. It's my belief (belief, right? not necessarily reality) that the hassle of scheduling, arranging, planning, and finding babysitting outweighs the benefits of doing something fun. And if by surprise, I find myself with a few hours of free time, my mind goes blank and I end up alone somewhere drinking coffee or biking around aimlessly. There's a little drama :)

So there are two approaches; deal with the belief first and the blahness will go away or deal with the blahness and then the belief will dissipate. Or do both at once?

I've been mulling over some ideas in my head to kick this blahness to the curb. A couple of tequila shots might work. There's a collection of dusty tequila bottles in the cupboard, it's two thirty in the afternoon Um... tempting, but it might impede my tiny motivation to make it to Zumba tonight, which has been proven to help in the past.

Another new way came to me this morning as I was looking out my kitchen window. Across the street from us, there's a restaurant equipment business that just put out big stacks of plates with a free sign on them. Plate smashing? Very tempting!

How about putting on a ridiculous prom dress? My high school prom dress is hanging in my closet, but it's about the size of my ankle, so, maybe not, but maybe wearing something flashy, fun and sexy and dancing to loud '80's music might do it.

Sex might be an effective third way. Tequila, plate smashing, and high heels might be interesting foreplay....

or just calling a damn babysitter.

I'm not kidding.

Good Mail via Snail Mail

I've been writing by hand this month. I don't know how this came about exactly, but I think it started when I decided to fill my husband's work mailbox with good mail. And then, I decided that my faraway good friend, who was not having the best time, also needed some mail. I collected "treasures" that could be written on and mailed; chopsticks, stickers, postcards, menus, cartoons, recipes and even candy.  As I was writing, I also became more and more aware of different pens and how they write. At first, I rummaged in my households' pencil holders, but unsatisfied with most pens we had, I finally "permanently adopted" my husband's fancy work pen.

Think of all the time we spend typing and texting. We hardly even sign our names anymore or write the date on things. It's not only the art of letter writing that has disappeared, but also the way we write with a pen or a pencil. Our fingers cramp. I noticed the other day when I was writing with a pencil that I instantly felt like a kid again. I was reminded that it's hard to keep the lines straight when the paper is blank and that I haven't licked a stamp in forever, but still remember that slightly sweet glue taste.

Sending and receiving a letter feels the same as giving or receiving a gift, doesn't it? When we open the mail box, absentmindedly flipping through the bills and flyers, and we discover some good mail, it's like a mini Christmas morning, isn't it?  We pay attention to the stamp, the envelope, and the paper. We recognize the handwriting and we miss that person suddenly. We might save reading that letter for a quieter time in our day when we can relax and read it uninterrupted. Good mail is more than just words; a postcard is like a flying kiss and a four page letter is like a long hug.

It's been a rediscovery for me. I decided to read more about people who write by hand, and visited a shop near my house that lets you type a letter on their vintage typewriters; it was super fun and I'll probably make it habit to go regularly. While I was there, I treated myself to some nice stationery and free tea and cookies. I know that letter writing is not as easy as sending an email or texting on your phone, but it's more fun! Here are some tips I found useful to get back in the handwriting groove:

• Next time you visit the post office, buy a book of stamps and keep them in your wallet along with the addresses of a handful of people you want to write to regularly. 
• Have fun selecting the stamps and don't be afraid to ask the clerk to show you what else is in the stamp drawer; I once had a boyfriend who was very particular about using "just the right stamp" for the right person, and it really did add a "je-ne-sais-quoi" to his letters. 
• Start small. A post card, a thank you card, or a comic cut out of the paper. Be imaginative about what constitutes a letter, usually if it's about the thickness of a Ryvita cracker it's good to go with a regular stamp.
• Write to different people; a thank you note to your local coffee shop owners who brew that perfect cup, an idea or suggestion to your mayor, or a letter of encouragement to yourself.
• Don't expect anything in return. Just anticipate in your mind, the surprised look on your loved one's face when they open their mailbox.

Hooray for snail mail!
Renew your Canada Post patronage!
Send some love!

The view from my letter writing spot.

Being a Better Mommy Friend

I'm learning to be a better friend to my mom friends. Recently I noticed that my mind seems to shut off when my mom friends talk about their kids and I felt bad about it. Then it occurred to me that it is because when, us, moms talk about our kids we are not really interested in hearing about what anyone else has to say, we've already decided in our mind what is the superior way to deal with our own child, and we seem to simply want to voice our concerns or decisions out loud. Even if we are asking for advice, we aren't really. We pretty much already know what were going to do. Talking about kids is not like talking about movies, the news or fun things to do around town. There is no room for variance of opinion or exchange or ideas. Your kid is yours and mine is mine. Yours eats peas and mine doesn't. Yours poohs in the tub and mine in the closet. What your kid did that melted your heart is not going to melt mine and vice versa. Two moms talking about their kids almost seem to be having separate conversations side-by-side. Okay, so it took me some time to figure this out, and I felt bad for some time that I didn't want to talk much or didn't really seem as enthused as I might look. And honestly, my friends probably don't think it's that funny that my kid says mocomotive instead of locomotive. (I laugh every time)

Okay, so you think I'm cold, BUT I have to add that I love my mom friends. I know we are just trying to be the best moms we can and sometimes when we are unsure of ourselves we tend to talk too much about pooh or lack of sleep. So here are some tricks I've come to use to liven up the conversation and keep the love flowing:

1. Don't judge.  Most teenagers sleep in their own beds, use the toilet, and no longer breast feed, so I guess most moms are doing a pretty good job, no matter how they do it. Not judging also means not gossiping with your spouse about other moms (and dads); "Can you believe they are feeding little Casper jellybeans and shrimp cocktails? OMG!" Seek to understand the whole story behind your friend's decisions and enjoy their own unique way of doing things.

2. Don't give advice. This is difficult to do. It occurred to me recently that even when a friend seems unsure, it's not a call for advice. A lot of people work out their ideas and decisions by talking out loud and having someone listen and aren't necessarily looking for advice or solutions. Even if they explicitly ask for your opinion or advice, don't be offended if they don't take it.

3. Bring non-kid conversation topics to the play date.  I know it's not always easy to do, especially if you are a stay-at-home mom like me and often feel disconnected from the outside world, BUT it's essential, PLUS it forces you to be less boring and make time for yourself.  Go see a movie, take a violin class, go on a date, anything that is kidless. If suddenly you find you've been talking about the trials and tribulations of potty training for too long, make a joke of it and move on to something else.
 
Another trick is to ask pre-kid questions like; tell me about the best trip you've even taken. I asked a neighbor dad this last question and he had the best story about being stranded in Mozambique, and watching Rambo in a good Samaritan's garage.

Sometimes after many, many play dates at the park or sitting around in a living room, conversations dry up. Another way to create new memories and to learn something new is to involve mommy friends in your projects. Baking, canning, sewing, crafting, whether it's a hobby or something you've wanted to learn, it's a perfect way to share time together!

4. Encourage one another. I remember bringing home my kid for the first time and in the sleepless months that followed, my mom repeated this to me. " You're doing a great job, honey. You're a great mom." It was the best thing to hear. It's really all I needed. We already KNOW how to be great moms, we just need to be encouraged sometimes, that's it. No advice. No comparison.  So next time a mommy friend is talking too much about their kid's tantrums, or their fear of the dishwasher, just say: "You're doing a great job. You're a good mom."




So to end this, here's something new (and kidless) I learned recently about ladies in the past. Cool eh? 

Thoughts on Thanksgiving

There's a lot on my mind these days. It's October, a very busy month for our family, many birthdays, Thanksgiving, my father-in-law visiting for a few weeks, travels, and all the household activities related to the changing seasons. My head is running, the washing machine is spinning, the new bed is coming; it's a whirlwind. That is why I enjoy writing for a while, to settle my mind, let thoughts come and go as the sun streams through the window highlighting my son's fingerprints. It's nice to put my brain in neutral for a bit.

I love fall, don't you? Hasn't the weather been glorious? Sunny and crisp, I feel like the air smells and feels like apples. Thanksgiving is this weekend and while most of us are happily anticipating seeing friends and family, some of us are stressing out over recipes and the lack the wine glasses. My mother called and mentioned it might be nice to have Thanksgiving dinner at our place this year... hint... hint... and for two seconds I panicked. Only two seconds. I'm grateful to have a family here to celebrate, and for my father-in-law who has come all the way from Brazil to see his grandson. 

So let me take another look at this seemingly "busy" month. We get to celebrate the birth of 3 wonderful people and eat cake 3 times. We get an extra pair of hands to cook a turkey, put together a bed, and play with the boy. We finally get to take a family vacation and even though we haven't planned it at all yet, it's bound to be an adventure. There's pumpkins to be picked, leaves to be kicked, and local apples to eat. We can appreciate candle light again, now that the sun settles down earlier and wear cozy sweaters. All this is the 'thanks' in Thanksgiving.

fall flowers

Industrious Sunday

Maybe it's because Vancouver is so flowery, shiny and more and more residential that I like to go look for the more industrial corners of this city. I find stacks of pallets, graffitied dumpsters, and rusting industrial machinery just as beautiful as manicured gardens. Sunday mornings are great because most of these areas are deserted and you can ride freely in between buildings and down interesting lanes. Highlights of today's industrious bike ride were the train and the stack of golden reindeer.

The boy was very excited about this "sleeping" train.

 

I can't think of a clever caption for this, but it really wants one.

Two

A container full of Extreme Luxury Fur?

The Portable Orchard had a few apples left, but way too wormy to eat!

Vertical Gardens

Very cool vintage truck with wooden wheel spokes.

Stack of reindeer waiting for snow

Rusted!

Murals

We topped off our ride by stopping at the party store to buy helium balloons just because. What a perfectly perfect morning with my boy.

Next 'Venture' on the List

A funny thing happened this summer. We decided to go to White Rock for the day and parked the car at Crescent Beach. After a few hours of fooling around in the sand with the kid, my husband asked me if I wanted to go to the other beach. "What other beach?", "You, know, the White Rock beach over there." He responded.  I was confused, because I thought Crescent Beach was White Rock. Ever since I was a kid, when we came to White Rock we only ever played here at Crescent Beach, so I had no idea what was around the bend. I was so surprised when I saw the bay with the beach full of people, the boardwalk, and all the restaurants and shops! All this time and I had no idea!

My husband was making fun of me, because he always thought I knew every place to visit in the Lower Mainland, and yet I had no idea White Rock was much more than that tiny strip of beach with 3 competing ice cream stores! I might be teased about this one for a long time because I do love adventures and I should know better. But hey, I'm not complaining, now, I have a new place to visit!

Like my kid says with enthusiasm: "Let's go on a 'venture!", so here are some of our favorites.  Most of them involve being outside, require some kind of transportation, which is half the fun for a two and half year old and almost all 'ventures include some yummy food which is half the fun for me. They hardly cost anything (except gas) and can be done in any kind of weather.

1. Pie Picnic and Beach Walk in West Vancouver. Drive to the Savory Island Pie Company on Marine Drive, and buy a pie to go. Get coffees too. Walk down to the beach and enjoy the view while eating right out of the box. Continue your stroll going East to Ambleside or West to Dundarave Village.

2. Fish and Chips Picnic at Whytecliff Park. Drive the scenic route to Horseshoe Bay along Marine Drive, get some take out fish and chips in Horseshoe Bay and backtrack to Whytecliff park to enjoy the view and take photos.

3. "You Pick". Make your way to a "You Pick" farm at least once a year. Starting in June, you can pick your own strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and later, apples, pumpkins, squash and zucchinis. Another farm favorite is "The Circle Farm Tours" where you can download a map and visit a variety of farms all over the Fraser Valley. Start salivating now and plan to have a dinner party tonight; bison steaks, fresh goat cheese, lavender honey, wine and fresh produce.

4. Packing a Lunch and Going to a Regional Park. If you live in Vancouver proper, you might go to the beaches often, but like me, you might forget about the Pacific Spirit Park near UBC. There is over 73km of walking trails, including some clothing optional trails along Wreck Beach and a lovely wood-planked trail around Camosun Bog near 21st ave. and Crown. Iona Beach in Richmond is also one of my favorite places to soak up some sun. The beach is less frequented than then those in the city and you get a front row seat for the sunset. Other favorites include Boundary Bay Beach, Lynn Headwaters Park and suspension bridge, Colony Farm (bring your bike), and the Capilano River Park and the fish hatchery. My most favorite is Crippen Park on Bowen Island. Totally doable with a decent stroller, you can walk on the ferry, walk to Killarney Lake, visit the library, eat some sushi and play on the beach! NOTE: Burnaby Lake Park is a very boring park. There is a trail around it, but most of the time you cannot see the lake, and there is a constant hum from the highway. Yuck. Good for joggers with ipods maybe.

5. Perogy Night at the Holy Trinity Ukrainian Orthodox Church on 10th and Main Street. Next time you think of it, ride by the church and note on the wall of the auditorium the date for Perogy Night. I think it's every first Friday of the month. I won't go into details. Don't expect fancy. Expect delicious moist perogies, big tables, a community vibe and white fluffy cake for dessert.

6. Rainy Day Picnics in Stanley Park. Wear all your rain gear, bring some extra socks and gloves and pack a hot lunch like soup in a Thermos, or pre-heated chicken pot pies wrapped in aluminum foil, or hot tea and cookies. There are lots of covered picnic tables throughout the park, but bring a towel just in case to wipe playground equipment or benches. Bring shovels, buckets, bubbles, a ball, anything you want, just as if it was sunny!

7. Bike Riding Vancouver Laneways. This is one of my favorite things to do with the kid. There is a ton of things to see; gardens, vintage cars, chicken coops, blackberry bushes, graffiti, construction (the kid's favorite). Plan your route to end at the Marche St-George (Try the almond croissant-you might fall in love), Matchstick Coffee or The Prophouse Cafe  or The Wilder Snail Cafe for some well-deserved caffeine.

8. Dollar Store/ Urban Source Art Day. Walk or bike to your nearest dollar store. Choose 2 or 3 new inspiring art supplies. Our favorite these days is glitter glue, but we've had a blast with googly eyes, pipe cleaners, stickers and Popsicle sticks. On the way home, look for things in nature that you could add to your art project: leaves, rocks, sticks, feathers, shells, etc... This blog is great for craft ideas if you're not "crafty".

9. Tea Time at London Farm. If you're out in Steveston, make sure you don't fill up on Fish&Chips and stop by the London Farm. All their pastries are homemade and the tea is divine! (Even for me, a coffee person. Go say hi to the chickens out back and take a stroll along the beach by the river.

10. Riding or Looking for Transportation. My boy is obsessed with trains, tractors, boats, planes, buses, and cars. For him a ride on the Skytrain or the Seabus is an 'venture. Good places to experience transportation is anywhere along the Fraser River, at the Quay in North Vancouver, the lesser known mini train at Confederation Park in Burnaby, New Westminster Quay, and at the Vancouver International Airport. If your kid is like mine, just driving over the railroad tracks along Arbutus Street is a treat!

If my ideas are a bit "been there, done that" for you, then take a look at this website for more family fun!  The Playground and Wanderful sections on Vancouver is Awesome are also a good place to look for family friendly activities and events.

The Wilder Snail Cafe in Strathcona

Mini Train in Confederation Park

Salmon at the Capilano River Hatchery