Secret Zumba Night

Okay, my mom friends, this post is especially for you.

Two nights a week, Mondays and Wednesday nights is Zumba night. I put on my work-out gear, take my bag with a towel and water and take off. My son is used to my Zumba routine and whenever I put on my runners, he asks in his cute little voice: going to Zumba mommy?

Here is my secret.

I haven't gone to Zumba class for the last 2 months. I haven't stopped my exercise routine and I do go to the gym or for a run, BUT some of my Zumba nights have changed. Sometimes Zumba means going to the library and actually taking the time to read the titles or sometimes it means sitting in a coffee shop and people watching or going to the pharmacy and trying on make-up samples and getting expert advice.

I haven't told my husband or my son: it's my little secret, it's my time and it's delicious! I hadn't planned on sneaking out on my class, but found myself driving there one night and 'not going'. I didn't think to mention it when I got home and presto! Secret Zumba night was born!

(just go with it, honey, if you read this post! ;)

I figure this little untold white lie falls in the realm of other little things we don't necessarily share with our family like going out to get a brazilian. Am I right?

If you already have your "Zumba night", then I'm glad to be part of the club! If you haven't joined in yet, please do. Schedule it in!

Where am I?

Kicking Off the Season with Homemade Wrapping Paper

I saw an advertisement on television the other day with a supremely plastic family shopping for their holiday decorations. They were standing in front of a giant wall of matchy-matchy decorations; rolls of wrapping paper, gift tags, bows, ribbons, boxes of balls, garlands, bobbles, icicles, ornaments, and Christmas tree lights all in turquoise and silver. All ready to go and in this worry free color combination sure to match any home decor. BAM! Insta-Christmas!

Not my kind of Christmas. Yup, we're busy during the holidays, but so what?  It's a perfect time of year to get creative and to try to minimize our time at the mall. The key is to start early. Okay, not right after Halloween kinda of early, like some manic businesses who need holiday based decorations at all times, but you know, about mid-November.

Every year, I love to invent my own wrapping paper. I use left-over paper, stickers, string, paint, whatever I have on hand. Here are papers I've been working on with my boy:

Collage Wrapping Paper

The kid's craft station and our recycling bin is full of leftover bits of papers, stickers and string which I collected and glued together on a large piece of paper. Then I covered the whole thing with lots of white glue. To finish it off I ran it through the sewing machine, going through it in random directions to give it strength. I think it turned out really festive!

Tons of glue is the key- brush it on with a paint brush.

Wait until it's completely dry and use a wide or decorative stitch

I also collect our coffee bags because they are non-biodegradable and the only coffee company that takes them back is way out in Burnaby, so I decided to re-purpose them.

I cut them open lengthwise and washed them out

I sewed them together piece by piece like making a quilt

I added more colors of thread and zigzaged all over it

My kid is modeling the new coffee paper

I cut the paper and sewed pouches

I can't decided which I like best, the silver lining of the printed side

Today is Not Pancake Day!

As I'm writing this, I'm debating if I feel like making chia seed pudding for the first time this afternoon and also reminding myself to return my overdue library books and call my friend Lynn. I'm thinking about how nice it's going to be to go to the gym tonight and have myself a bit of mommy time. Chatter, chatter, chatter, this and this and this.

Isn't it amazing how our minds can fill themselves up so fast with noise, things to do, to try, and to remember? Just the other day, I swear the chatter in my husband's head was so loud, I could hear it. It's like grinding, squeaks and scratches. For him, it's the usual work chatter, so overwhelming, that although he was in the room with us, he was so completely dazed and distracted that if a giraffe had walked in, he wouldn't have noticed.

My own chatter takes over too and sometimes, unknowingly, I get lost in it and feel a general sense of yuckiness; like I'm running a race without wearing a bra and with grocery bags in my hands. But, these days I'm practicing returning to the moment. When the chatter gets too loud, I stop, close my eyes and take inventory of everything I notice through my senses. It sounds a bit like this:

Breath,
breath, breath
cold feet,
sound of fridge,
mint taste
breath, breath,
loosen shoulders
breath,
relax jaw
car alarm
breath

and so on. I do this until I feel myself come back to the present moment. And in that present moment, I realize that in that tiny itty-bitty microsecond, all is well, all is well, all is well and in the next itty-bitty microsecond, all is well. And the chatter fades.

I think we all have this chatter to some degree. Prone to multi-tasking and perfectionism, on most days, my moments of stillness seem like distant kites flying away from me, but I'm okay with that. I just let myself be surprised when I notice, hey, it's loud in here! Let's stop for a bit. Of course, it's easier to do this if you are in a quiet spot, but it's doable anywhere.

When my toddler is screaming his head off demanding I make him pancakes, and I tell him for the umpteenth time that today is not pancake day, I notice the stress rising in my body, and my patience rapidly dwindling. The chatter gets louder and louder: I'm not making pancakes again! Who is the idiot who started this pancake habit?, How will my son ever get proper nutrition eating pancakes everyday?, Why can't I have a peaceful breakfast for once? I'm so tired! I want to go back to bed. Why can't this kid entertain himself long enough so that I can pour myself a cup of coffee?

As soon as notice myself being swept away by this chatter, I seek that teeny-tiny microsecond where all is well. I don't always manage to do this before I've raised my voice or lied that we don't have enough eggs to make pancakes, and most times I don't manage it at all. But when I do, I really do. And this microsecond of stillness and peace adds itself to the other microseconds of stillness I've found before and the next thing you know it gets easier and easier to be in the moment.

Out of a Gunky Funk

In my last post, I announced that I would take a break from checking my Facebook account. It's been a week now and I can't say that it made a huge impact on my life, it's not like quitting smoking or drinking coffee, but for the first few days, I did notice how often I was compelled to check my account and had to divert my online time to other sites. I spent more time on websites dedicated to my artistic and creative pursuits and listened to more CBC. Not checking my FB account also decreased the overall time I spent online. Not that I spent hours and hours looking at Facebook, but every time I checked, this would inevitably lead to more time spent online looking at other sites. So instead, I found myself doing other fun things; sewing, writing, goofying around with my kid, baking an apple pie, and doing some soul healing. Soul healing? Yup, that's what happens when you make space, something comes along to fill it.

It may or may not be obvious from the previous posts that I had been in quite a gunky funk and luckily, there were caring people out there that held up giant flags of love for me. Despite my upsets, complaints and anger, these people, whether consciously or not, have, in their own ways pointed me toward creating the peace only I can have for myself. Some friends let me cry and validated my frustrations and anger and others shared funny stories to lift the "seriousness" of it all. While some simply tolerated me in silence, another offered gentle hints by reading quotes from Eckhart Tolle's, A New Earth. If you haven't read Mr. Tolle's books, then the following might seen a bit cryptic, but then maybe not.

Whenever I read Eckhart Tolle's novels or articles, I feel like I have to re-read the same paragraphs several times before it feels like I understand what he trying to say. But, from the little bit I was able to re-read during the kid's nap, I deduced that the cause of my prolonged funk was due to being on an extreme ego trip.

In a quick attempt, and maybe quick is not the best way, to disarm my ego and it's need to be right, be special and to stand out, I listed a list of grievances. As I was writing these out, I paused, felt each grievance for a moment, and kept writing until I could no longer think of anything else to add. Once I got to the end, I no longer felt any emotion and the whole list felt like a grocery list. I also spend time forgiving myself for having each grievance.

This quote really clicked for me.  "The moment you become aware of a negative state within yourself, it does not mean you have failed. It means you are have succeeded. The thoughts, emotions or reactions are recognized, and in the moment of recognizing, dis-identification happens automatically. Your sense of self, of who you are, then undergoes a shift: Before you were the thoughts, emotions, and reactions; now you are the awareness, the conscious Presence that witnesses those states."

Once I was reminded that my negative thoughts are just a cause of a hyperactive ego, I was able to see them coming instantly and to dismiss them, as they serve no purpose to me at all, and quite simply only act as the biggest sticks in my wheels. So there you go! In weird loopy way, spending less time on Facebook and doing other things, lifted me out of my funk. 

On another related note, I recently tried to get rid of my depression, by smashing some plates against a wall, and left some plates behind along with a note inviting someone else to smash some. And someone did! He's what he said in an email to me:


Thank you, you are a good samaritan and a genius.

I only needed to smash one plate today, so I left the rest of the stack and the note after gathering up the pieces. 

You've inspired me in two ways. first, random acts like your plates make the world a better place, I've been looking at too big a picture in terms of my art and my scope of effectiveness in the world, when I don't really know how to get the little things done, I find them annoying and base, but they're the most important. Second, i can always just go to a thrift store and buy a stack of smashable plates, as long as I clean up after myself. 

Stay Classy, 

D.

  
So in the end, I think something good came out my bad mood, and so, I forgive myself for being in such a nasty funk. And, to re-invent my Facebook habit, I've decided to name Fridays: Facebook Fridays, and to only check and update then. FBF! See you then!