Tequila Shots and Plate Smashing

It's funny how depression creeps up on me slowly and it gives me little signs, it doesn't hide behind something and then kaplow! jumps up and says: feel lame now! It creeps in when I don't make time for myself, when I don't exercise, when I feel lonely, but don't make an effort to reach out, and when I eat a lot of granola or Greek vanilla yogurt.

I feel like the soaked leaves on the sidewalk, all mushed up with no where to go. Like the tasteless soup I dumped out after a day in the slow cooker. Like deflated birthday balloon found under the couch.  Listing these similes is cheering me up a little bit, ooh... In the past I used to worry when I felt depressed, stress out about it and created a bit of drama for myself, but now, I simply notice it and let myself fall into it. I don't feel guilty about it, I don't try to mask it by doing chores or baking, I just let it be. It goes away eventually. It always does. Like an English as a second language student who is here to study for a while and then goes back home.

So like I said, I'm quite content sitting with my sorry self for now, but at some point I'll get the urge to do something about it. Before the kid, furniture rearranging, heading for the border, retail therapy, sharing a bottle of red with a funny friend or taking an entire day to make a giant paella with my husband would have done the trick, but things have changed. How have they changed? At first, I thought it was spontaneity that was missing, but it's not entirely that. It's my belief (belief, right? not necessarily reality) that the hassle of scheduling, arranging, planning, and finding babysitting outweighs the benefits of doing something fun. And if by surprise, I find myself with a few hours of free time, my mind goes blank and I end up alone somewhere drinking coffee or biking around aimlessly. There's a little drama :)

So there are two approaches; deal with the belief first and the blahness will go away or deal with the blahness and then the belief will dissipate. Or do both at once?

I've been mulling over some ideas in my head to kick this blahness to the curb. A couple of tequila shots might work. There's a collection of dusty tequila bottles in the cupboard, it's two thirty in the afternoon Um... tempting, but it might impede my tiny motivation to make it to Zumba tonight, which has been proven to help in the past.

Another new way came to me this morning as I was looking out my kitchen window. Across the street from us, there's a restaurant equipment business that just put out big stacks of plates with a free sign on them. Plate smashing? Very tempting!

How about putting on a ridiculous prom dress? My high school prom dress is hanging in my closet, but it's about the size of my ankle, so, maybe not, but maybe wearing something flashy, fun and sexy and dancing to loud '80's music might do it.

Sex might be an effective third way. Tequila, plate smashing, and high heels might be interesting foreplay....

or just calling a damn babysitter.

I'm not kidding.