Flexing my Discomfort Muscles

My mom picked out bright turquoise for her toenails and while the pedicurist was working away at our feet, she reminisced about the time she took me to the airport the day I was leaving to live in Korea. She said I was standing there at the customs gate, a.k.a the point of no return, crying that I was scared and I didn't want to go.

This time our goodbyes have worked out better; she's leaving for a meditation retreat in Puerto Vallarta 3 days before I head off to Brazil and I'll have only the taxi driver to say goodbye to at the airport. Much better.

Maybe it's because I've been off sugar for a month now, and have had practice with that itchy me-needs-that-cookie feeling, but I've noticed that I'm much more comfortable with discomfort. I was hit by a giant teary wave of sadness as I realized I wouldn't see my mom for a long while, and I just let it be. My first thought was, this big sadness is love. And I felt okay with it.

In his post Discomfort Zone: How to Master the Universe Leo gives lots of ideas on how to master discomfort and ways to start. I especially like using meditation. Just the idea of sitting still for a few minutes makes most people uncomfortable never mind a left toe falling asleep, a right ear itching, a butt cramp, and a back ache that quickly crop up as quietness settles in. But noticing and overcoming these little aches and pains is an easy way to become used to discomfort.

Moving to Brazil will be an adventure sure to be exciting, and at times it will be too hot, too crowded, too disorganized, too loud, too salty, too weird, too slow, too polluted, too scary, too late, too different, but to follow this quote that landed in my email today: "Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment." (Oneness With All Life), I'll take it all, even the annoying discomforts.

Pre-Travel Stress Busters

Five more days and we leave for Brazil. Everyone is asking me if I'm okay, if I'm ready to go, if I still have lots of things to do before I leave.  I'm not really thinking about it. There are some suitcases upstairs that get filled little by little, otherwise,

I love my days. Yesterday, I...

1. Built a train track with the kid.
2. Sewed a yoga bag for my mom.
3. Rode my bike in the sunshine.
4. Sat on a bench with my neighbor and the kid, chatting and staring into the sun.
5. Walked up to a restaurant and ate tasty noodles with the kid and my mom.
6. Got a book from my mom.
7. Got good mail from my friend Christy.
8. Found a fun game at Value Village for $3.99.
9. Sipped on chilled green drinks.
10. Was kissed with a smile by my husband.

The day before, I...

1. De-cluttered a closet.
2. Jumped on a bridge with the kid at the park.
3. Watched the kid watch a guy load garbage bins on a flatbed truck.
4. Did a strength work-out for an hour.
5. Cuddled in front of the t.v. with my husband.
6. Played street hockey with the kid.
7. Made my friend Karen's fennel orange salad.
8. Visited my husband at work.
9. Threw a load of warm laundry on my kid.
10. Read a funny book.

It's been awesome. I'm ready to go. I'm ready because I feel so loved by my friends and family, because there's family waiting for us in Rio, and because nothing in a suitcase really matters.

Robin I saw while riding my bike.

Eavesdropping on a First Date?

The kid and I decide on avocado rolls and udon, and arrive just on time for the last unoccupied table in the restaurant. It's crowded with a nice happy Friday night vibe, so were glad to squeeze in, rubbing my butt on the edge of my neighbor's table as I try to elegantly get by without knocking over their cutlery. The kid and I sit side by side on a booth looking out on the other patrons and get busy creating toy scenes while we wait for a menu. My thigh is practically touching the lady next to me, and it's almost impossible not to eavesdrop. Two women on our left sit in total silence, one with her arms crossed and looking completely beat, so overhearing the conversation on the right was quite inevitable. 

- So, how did your family take it when you came out?

- oh, okay, I guess, I tried to tell my mom that I was bi when I was 12, but she just laughed it off. Later on, she kinda got the picture and she's okay about it now. Oh, wait I'm getting a text from my friend. She's asking me if you're bang-able. ah, ah, ah! Have you done the Pride? I did mine for the first time last summer, it was so much fun, but I got heatstroke and I was with my friend who is super whiny, you know, and she wouldn't stop complaining about how far we had to walk 'cause the buses were too full. What about you? What did your family say when you came out?

-My parents were shocked, but my sister was cool with it, so they were okay with it after a while.
-Well, I've dated boys and girls, but my last 4 girlfriends just drove me crazy, too much drama, you know? So I'm into guys now. When did you become a vegan? Oh, wait my friend is texting me, she wants to know where's a good sushi place in Chilliwack. There's this one place that's pretty good, you know, but not as good as here. Should we get the bill?

The ladies left, the udon arrived. The kid and I happily filled our bellies. The silent, tired ladies on the right perked up when their rolls were served. That's a slice of life on the Drive, no?

Packing Kids Toys

Ah! I love Value Village, don't you? Last summer, when I got my sewing machine, I went there and found a huge bag of different colored zippers mostly about a hand's length. So you ask, what are you going to do with these zippers, make mini parkas for the kids' stuffed animals? Cute idea, but no.  I've made a ton of pouches for all the multi-piece toys we plan to bring to Brazil with us.  They pack way better than boxes and the kid already knows which game is inside by the color of the zipper. I've also made some for myself to contain my art supplies, jewelry, intimates, etc...Definitely my newest favorite thing.

Lady Lemon Delight vs Mr. Sandy Lump

A friend of mine and I had just came back from a nice walk in the Endowment Lands, and decided to stop in for tea at a new shop on MacKenzie and 33rd. As I drove by, I noticed it was "Butter". Have you ever had any baked goods from there? It's called BUTTER people, you do the math! F****ING A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I hardly put my foot on the brake, kept driving and yelled, "It's Butter! We can't go in there for tea! Nooooooooo!" My friend looked a bit confused.

That was a close call.

Last night I had a dream I was on a huge cruise line with everyone I've ever known. This didn't seem weird at all, and the 5 mile long dessert buffet didn't either. There was every cake, tart, muffin, pudding, cookie you could imagine all there on display, like exotic jewels in a case. I was running along the tables trying to find my kid.

Must be the sugar withdrawal.

So in an attempt to appease this madness, I found a "healthier" cookie recipe with oat flour, banana, coconut oil and raisins which ended up tasting like little mounds of sand with the occasional sweet ping of a raisin. There's no use in making "pretend cookies" when my mind is dreaming of chocolate chips, butter, and sugar.

So I had a green drink.

Then some Valentines came to the door: chocolate and cookies. An hour later, another knock on the door, this time homemade lemon bars. I can hear those sour-sweet yellow bars of sunshine singing happy polka tunes in my cupboard. "We are so sweeeeet, and you know it! Bite me like you meeeeean it, um-pa-pa!"

Husband to the rescue?

Lady Lemon Delight vs Mr. Sandy Lump

I think I lied when I said that I don't crave sweets since I've taken sugar out of my diet. Obviously, I do, but the reasons for eating sweets are never ending; seems there's special occasion every other day, and so tonight I win my battle with a Medjool date and a cup of tea. Take that!

A Loud Call of Chips and Wine!

Habits. Aren't they oddly more noticeable in others than in ourselves? Maybe it was the recent never ending string of colds and flu or a last chance to make a resolution, but I decided to make some changes to my diet and my overall health.

It's not because of my age, or because I have a kid, or because of breastfeeding or because my husband doesn't eat as well as I think he should, or because he should be exercising more or because nobody ever calls me to motivate me to go out and exercise,  or "at least I think I do more than so-and-so friend, or because my work-out clothes are ugly, it's not because it's too dark, or too cold, or too rainy or too late, or too early, or because "The Good Wife" is on. It's BECAUSE of ME. I have adopted habits and beliefs, seemingly some without my own knowing,  that are not working for me.

1. Spending too much time in coffee shops with or without my friends and their kids drinking coffees and eating muffins, cookies or biscuits.
2. Telling myself that I need something sweet to feel like my meal is over? (wtf? this one is weird.)
3. Baking is better than store-bought, which might be true, but not if I end up eating 10 of the 12 muffins I baked.
4. I don't like most veggies.
5. I'm not overweight.

So for the last two weeks or so I've been implementing some new or forgotten habits to my routine...

1. Daily green drink. One first thing in the morning and one at 3pm.
2. Five minute meditation just before my husband leaves for work while he plays with the kid.
3. No sugar, honey, jam, yogurt, milk, cheese, white rice, wheat toast and pasta, pancakes, muffins, maple syrup, butter, and eggs. Hardly any meat and if so only the size of my palm.
4. If I can skip coffee I do, if not, I put a tiny bit of milk in my coffee.
5. More greens; broccoli, kale, collards, lettuce, green beans, cucumbers, and fresh herbs.
6. My snacks are less coffee, muffins, raisins, toast with jam, dried fruit, cookies, and waffles and more apples, almonds, ginger tea, blueberries, and green drinks.
7. I go for the 60-40 rule; 60% of my plate consists of veggies or fruit.
8. Daily activity: I've found a variety of neat yoga, strength training and cardio workouts on youtube, and I make a point of doing at least 30 minutes every day especially if I can't make it outside to exercise. Cafemom Studios and Ekhart Yoga are great!

and I've noticed some significant changes:

1. No more bloating, gas, stomach aches, and heavy lethargic feelings after meals.
2. Fruits that didn't used to taste that sweet like apples and berries are super sweet to me now.
3. I crave sweets much less and I've been more or less able to curb these cravings with distractions or ginger tea. This is the biggest daily challenge. It's funny, I found myself online one afternoon searching for "healthier" desserts for almost 3 hours!!! Crazy.
5. I don't feel deprived when I see others eating a bacon and egg breakfast of champions, a mountain of nachos, or slices of chocolate pecan pie. It's funny, I thought I would, but it seems my body has taken over my mind and happily steers me towards the fruits and veggies.

I had one relapse. There was this bag of chips, not a bag of pretend healthy, organic pita chips, real O'lays salty, crispy chips leftover from a party we had. It was Friday, 5pm, time for wine and chips? Right? OMG. Pain, cramps and dizziness. Wine and chips? What was I thinking?

How long do they say it takes for habits to form?  21 days? Well, I'm game for 21 days and maybe even for more! What habits would you like to put in gear? Check out what Leo has to say about sticking to a habit on his blog and let me know how you're coming along!

Spinning off Sweat

If you've curiously spied on a spinning class from a far corner of the gym as you were comfortably seated in your stationary bike, reading an outdated crinkled gossip magazine, you might think that it's basically a bunch of people on fancier stationary bikes, pedaling to loud music and being yelled at by a very fit-looking instructor in fashionable neon running shoes. Kinda but not entirely. Spying is one thing, doing it, is quite another.

There was only 6 of us, one other "first day" lady and a self-proclaimed hung-over man. I was secretly happy that I wasn't using the bike next to him, fearing alcohol infused sweat fumes, chucked my stuff in a corner and got settled. The instructor, a woman in her mid-thirties, adjusted my bike seat and handle bars and welcomed me. I was instantly put at ease by her cheerfulness and thankful that she, like pretty much everyone else in the class, had some extra weight to lose.

Two minutes into the class, I realized I was in for a major sweat fest. Of course you can go at your own pace and adjust the resistance, but the interval exercises pretty much give you a serious workout even with minimum resistance. Plus, the music sort of dictates how fast you're going, unless you're one of those people who doesn't mind being the wonky looking one in the pack. Trying to stop or slow down too fast doesn't work either, the momentum of the bike keeps going while your legs do weird knee jerks for several rotations.  Not very cool looking.

Did I mention this was an hour long class? About half way, hung-over man started making moaning sounds, but kept up the pace. Sweat was collecting on my handle bars and when I grabbed my towel to wipe it up, I noticed a sticker warning patrons to stop using this equipment if they feel dizzy. Dizzy? What about feeling nauseous? That's what 600 calories burned an hour feels like. Twenty minutes more of interval pedaling, sprinting and climbing and voila! Done! My first spinning class.

Am I hooked? No. I enjoyed the intensity of it, it's different than any other exercise I've done, so I'll probably incorporate it in my workouts, but I'll bring a bigger towel next time. 

Letters from Rio

This is my last post for Cedar Cottage Family Life until my return from Rio de Janeiro. Follow me on lettersfromrio.blogspot.ca to see if our adventures might tempt you to join us or to take off on your own adventure!

Thanks for reading!

Vancouver Mom

Salt wind mills Cabo Frio, Brazil

5 Tips for Riding the Wave

Our departure to Rio de Janeiro is imminent. The count down has started. Little bursts of anxiety shoot through me when I think about it and I stamp them out with a thick layer of denial and a smattering of being in the moment.  Transitions are weird, usually an uneven combination of 'see-ya-laters,' and 'here I come!' The thing is, every change however big or small has a transition period, whether you're kicking your crusty boss to the curb and his little job too, moving to another country to seriously exercise your cultural appreciation skills, or moving in with a slightly unstable roommate which might turn out to be totally cool, or violently wrong. Here are my top 5 tips for riding the transition wave; surf's up!

1. Celebrate your goodbyes over and over again. Plan lots of goodbye brunches, weekends away, dinners, and parties and spread them out over several weeks. Let yourself be appreciated and be grateful for all the people who love you.

2. Concentrate on the good stuff that the transition will bring. For us that would be: sun, fresh tropical fruits, sipping on ice cold coconut water after a good run on the beach, new places to discover, new animals to see, new holidays to take, new people to meet, a new language to learn, and being with our Brazilian family.

3. Up the self-care. It's so easy when we're busy tying things up on one end and planning for the next thing to forget about ourselves.  It's really the best time to take long baths and long walks, to eat properly and go to bed early, to meditate, and to primp and pamper yourself.

4. Use transition as a means to transform yourself. Make a fresh start so to speak. Who knows maybe when I get back I will be on my way to being a famous samba guitar player, or I'll start a new bikini trend on the beach?

5. Practice being even more authentic. You know when you meet a Scottish person and their accent gives them instant pizazz? I've always wanted to go to a country where my seemingly non-accent would give me some of that pizazz. While going from one place to another, from one job to another, from one partner to none or whatever, you can get back to your real self again, and hang on to it tighter this time. Going to Brazil will bring out my Canadian-Vancouverite-creative-practical-love of nature-laughter seeking self even more, and give me some of that pizzaz that gets diluted when I live here.

Like the Corcovado; open your arms and let it all soak in!

Crazy Sexy Coincidence?

Okay, here’s this weird thing that happens to me every once in a while. The greater-powers-at-be try to tell me something; like it’s time now for me to exercise. So they put an ad at the grocery store for free exercise classes, which I read and promptly forget about, and then they put a guy in the grocery line-up in front of me who happens to be fantastic trainer,  but we talk about avocados instead. And then the powers-at-be start to argue about taking radical action, but failing consensus, leave me with a headache that turns into a neck pain that morphs into an excruciating back pain.

So my latest experience of this “phenomenon” started with a video a cousin posted on Facebook featuring among many other health experts, Kris Carr, actress, filmmaker, and best selling author of “The Crazy Sexy Diet”. For some reason she stood out to me. Not two days later, I was over at my mothers’ house for dinner and on her counter, she had her copy of “The Crazy Sexy Diet”. Weird. Coincidence? Maybe. But not worth ignoring given the neck pain I’ve had lately.

Okay, so don’t roll your eyes and say: Diet? No thanks! Believe you me, I’ve never been and will never be on a diet. Instead enjoy the read. Kris writes like your best “tell-you-like-it-is” girlfriend, half the time reading your mind as you’re thinking: no cheese, are you f&*%&ing crazy? And it’s probably because of this that you can finish the book and instantly find yourself on board with her message; “Eat your veggies, ignite your spark, and live like you mean it.” So to give a little taster and encourage you to get your own copy, here’s what I’ve taken away from her book.

-       The 80/20 ratio: A plate divided like a pie should include 80% fresh, organic alkaline foods found in a “garden”.

-       Suga’ and his posse friends like corn syrup, dextrose, and fruit juice concentrate are crack. Those guys loiter around waiting for a moment when you feel a wee-bit-tired to tempt you with raunchy displays of firm muffins with huge tops bursting with juicy fruit bits.

-       Green juice is the “New venti double shot, non-fat, soy latte” pick-me-up, and trust me, I drank one this morning, and I had the biggest buzz.

-       Once your body has a taste of what it’s like to be “crazy= bold, out-of –the-box, forward thinking and status quo challenging, and sexy=confident, in touch, whole, passionate and conscious”, it’s becomes a non-issue to let go of caffeine, sugar, milk, dairy products, meat, preservatives, and alcohol.

As I’ve been greening myself more and more, and I can’t say that I will completely give up coffee, cheese and wine, I’m enjoying some cool benefits:

Without the cream and sugar, I can actually taste the coffee I’m drinking and I’m noticing the flavor differences as I would wine.

I’ve replaced cheese for sun salutations, and afternoon muffin breaks with meditation. Good bye, neck pain!

I’ve switched taking showers before bed to during nap times to give myself time to dry-brush my lizardness off, and give myself coconut oil-eucalyptus-lavender massages. Ummm...sexy!

Most of all, I feel significantly lighter and less bogged down. Oh, ya, baby! Sexy Crazy! Bring it on! Listen to your powers-at-be, you’ve just read this post, after all!

Latest Secret Zumba Night

What's "Secret Zumba Night"? It's a chance to go out and do whatever a momma pleases without feeling like she has to share the details with other members of the family. Yesterday afternoon, my secret zumba activity included a brisk walk up to the local dinner/bar, The Tipper, which I meant to visit ever since we moved to this neighborhood. There were three people sitting at the bar watching the hockey game, and it was weird after all these months of no hockey to hear that familiar hockey tv background noise. I sat in a booth, ordered a glass of wine, chips and salsa and read the Vancouver Sun front to back. The vibe at the Tipper is relaxed, there are colorful paintings of East Vancouver scenery displayed along the walls, and the menu seems to offer good old diner fare. I'll be sure to go back and try out Sunday brunch. Eggs Benny..yum.

A Secret Birthday

Today is your 3rd birthday. You've been sick this week, so we cancelled your party and stayed away from your friends. This morning we didn't shower you with gifts, we decided to reserve all the hoopla for next weekend, but unbeknownst to you, I've been celebrating you today. We pulled out the photo album with pictures of you in my belly and I talked to you about the day you were born. I erased all of my plans today, and I let you make all the decisions; you picked what you wanted to eat, what you wanted to play, where you wanted to go and I completely focused on you.

Family and friends are starting to call to wish you a happy birthday, so the secret is out, but while it lasted, I really enjoyed celebrating you quietly, attentively, reverently, just as we did the day you were born. I love you baby boy. Happy 3rd birthday!

Thoughts I live By

I've never been one for quotes or motivational posters. I don't stick notes in my home or at work to remind me that I'm beautiful, or collect rocks with words like peace or love etched on them. I'm also not too big on affirmations, they usually end up feeling like a nagging roommate sticking post-it notes here and there to remind me, yet again, to put away the milk.

All that being said, as I was thinking over this last year, I've noticed things I say to myself on a consistent basis. These thoughts live inside me, so I don't need to write them down or make a poster out of them. Here are my top 4. Plus one from my mom.

There is only the present moment.
Make it simpler.
How can I create today?
I forgive me.

This too shall pass.

These have served me well in 2012, so I'm keeping them for 2013. What about you? What thoughts do you live by?

Taking a Phlegm Day Off

I am grateful for phlegm. Yup, you read it right, phlegm. When most of us suddenly find ourselves back at the gym or working on our resolutions with gusto, thanks to my son, and his rolling ball of green phlegm, we've sitting in neutral; reading, watching videos and sipping on fruit shakes. A small part of me wishes I could invent some kind of vacuum that would suck the sickness out of him, especially when he wakes up in the night because his drool pooled around his face , but on the other hand, I appreciate the opportunity to slow down and do less. I'm going to call this, 'taking a phlegm day off.'

I think most of us have forgotten how to slow down, even in times when we're supposed to slow down, like when we're sick or on vacation, it seems we actually speed up: maximizing our time off to complete chores, fix the house, visit friends and family, and going out. But, by the Old English definition, the word vacation, means "rest and freedom from any activity." Rest and freedom from any activity, not taking a 10 hour red-eye flight to an exotic place, or cooking a ten course meal for family or shopping the crowded malls to get the best Boxing Day deals and rushing back to work to catch up on work that supposedly piled up while everyone else was also on holidays. No, not that.

Of course, you don't have to be sick to take a phlegm day off, you just have to imagine you live in a cabin in the woods without electricity, and let any of these slower activities slide into your day organically; sleeping in, reading in bed, napping, taking leisurely walks with no destination and no designated time to get back, eating whole foods with minimal cooking, any activity with pen and paper like drawing, crosswords, sudoku or writing a letter to a friend, drinking tea, or petting an animal. Do you remember the last time you had a real phlegm day?

Dating Mr. Us

In a marriage there are 3 people. Obviously there's you and your partner. That's easy to see, because you are both physically there, but there is another "person", I'll call him "Mr. Us". Mr. Us is harder to see and often gets lost, mostly because he's not human, but also because he tends to hide when life gets too full with responsibilities, chores, kids, and stress.

Mr. Us doesn't like to be ignored for too long though, and because he's not human, he can't say things like: "Hey! Hey you there! Look at me! I'm bored!", but he uses other weird ways to get noticed. One of his ways is to make you forget you're a wife or a husband by putting the focus of your attention on the other roles you have like worker, parent, sibling, volunteer etc..so much so that your partner starts to feel like a roommate instead of a spouse. Then, Mr. Us, and this is his favorite way to get noticed because it amuses him a lot, will amplify your "roommate's" annoying little habits so much so that you'll start to think things like, why did I marry this person?, or will this person ever change?

So what's the best way to stop Mr. Us' crazy ways? To pay attention to him of course! He can be demanding; requiring daily attention and a variety of activities on a regular basis. This can be the trickier part, but can easily be incorporated in daily life with just a bit of attention. His favorite activities are intimacy, open communication, fun, laughter, novelty, compliments, adventure, physical touch, acts of service, learning, sharing and gifts. Most of these activities come in a bundle, so if you can make one happen, others will automatically happen. Mr. Us likes this a lot.

When my husband and I first met, Mr. Us was super happy. We took him out to dinner to every restaurant in town, took him on road trips to the States, flew him to Brazil, shared many bottles of wine and had long conversations with him, floated him down a raft in some rapids, took him to see movies, shared our wedding with him etc... The list is long. And then, slowly, and mostly after the kid, Mr. Us got ignored more and more and started acting up. But I know him. I know his sneaky ways and his shenanigans when he feels left out. I know how to head him off before it's too late. I have tricks up my sleeve.

When I notice myself getting annoyed by my husband's little habits, the things he didn't do or the ones he didn't do right, I say to myself: "Hold your horses!" First, I take inventory of what's going on with me. Have I put myself or my health on the back burner? If the answer is yes, then that's the first thing I take care of. Once that's done, then I ask myself, when was the last time we had real fun just the two of us together? Even though I've read how important it is to schedule a "date night" we've only set this in motion recently, and it's been awesome. What scheduling does, is put Mr. Us at the forefront, which he loves!

"Date nights" also allow for meaningful conversation even though talking is not always mandatory. It's also okay if the only way you can come up with meaningful conversation is to prepare questions on a piece of paper or steal ideas from a book or the internet. Especially if you're like us and the conversation always falls back to the kid. Here's a sample of questions Mr. Us likes:

• The kind of relationship we have is. . .
• One way in which we are alike, is. . .
• One way in which we are different, is. .
• I feel closest to you when. . .
• What I like best in our relationship is. . .
• In five years, I see us. . .
• Something you have helped me learn about myself is. . .
• I have most fun with you when. . .
• What I think I could have done to make your day better is...

So, make yourself, your spouse and your marriage happy, schedule a date night right now! Sit down together and find ways you can satisfy Mr. Us! It's the only way to go! Pretend you've only just met. What would you be doing together? What would you be talking about?

Living in Korea and Brazil-Is it so different?

1998. Returning to Vancouver from Montreal after a year of being on welfare and working under the table, I rented a room under a porch with a then-boyfriend in East Van. Maybe it was because he peed in the shower, or simply because our relationship had run it's course, but we broke up, and I found myself semi-unemployed and living with my parents. In those days, there was no such thing as mooching off your parents past the age of 21, so I was pretty desperate to find a way back out of the family nest. So where does a still-recently-university-graduated young woman with a degree in Family Sciences go?  (I know, I know, you're wondering what Family Science is...) Korea of course! What could be worse, high unemployment in Vancouver or the aftermath of a paralyzing economic crisis in Asia? Ummm.... Let's go see, says me!

I spent three years in Daegu city, a super conservative city in the interior of Korea which boasted it's views of the surrounding mountains, and the tastiness of it's apples, but soon after I landed I nicknamed it 'The Armpit of Korea". It stank. It smelled of a mixture of kimchi, smog, pollution, sweat and puke. Unemployment and living with my mom suddenly seemed like a better option.

Okay, so in retrospect, I might have been in a bit of a hurry to get away and didn't choose the best place to go, but at the time, when everything seemed so unstable, I had an 'in" with a Korean friend who assured me a "real" teaching position in a "real" school which wasn't about to go bankrupt two days after I arrived. And thus, my first experience living abroad started. But why this little walk down memory lane back to Korea?

I am finding myself moving abroad again, to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. This time, for my husband's work, to be closer to the other half of my family and for the kid to learn Portuguese. I've been reading a lot of blogs written by women, some of them moms, who lived or live in Brazil and I guess I'm not entirely surprised by what they are going through.  A lot of their experiences and observations are very similar to what I went though while living in Korea. Some of the similar challenges include:

1. Friendships: Making friends that feel like "real" friends is always a challenge especially if you are in a place for a short period of time. Daegu city was home to three foreigners. Me, my colleague who was socially awkward and was there to spread the "word", and another guy who admitted to being there just to attend cheap baseball games and cruise for Korean women. There was one interesting Korean girl from L.A. who didn't speak Korean, and was there to rediscover her roots, but she got fired soon after I got there because she was caught smoking in front of the school. Smoking in public if you are a Korean woman is a huge social no no and as my Korean colleagues explained, others can't tell by looking at her that she from L.A. and doesn't speak Korean.

For reasons such as this, making friends with Koreans wasn't easier. I was never sure if they were hanging out with me because of me or because it was a way to practice their English, to gossip to their classmates or to boast that they had a foreign friend. Mom bloggers in Brazil mention that it's easier to make Brazilian friends when they have a kid because Brazilians are super-kid friendly, so that's a plus for me, but they also complain that it takes a significant amount of time to become fluent enough to have meaningful conversation. One blogger admits that often finds herself physically flinging herself at people across bars or running across busy intersections when she thinks she has overheard the sweet sound of English. Which brings me to the second challenge.

2. Language: My Portuguese is much better than my Korean ever was given that I speak French already, so I'm happy about that, but I know that I still have a long way to go. While in Daegu, I learned to practice what I call "social meditation", which consists of sitting for long, long, long periods of time cross-legged in noisy, smoky restaurants with crowds of drunken Koreans, not understanding a word being spoken, and pretending to be having a good time.

"We will go to sing Karaoke at the no-rae-bang (singing room), teacher, you will come with us?"
(Oh, please, can I? Can I please hear a drunken but seriously rendered version of "My Heart Will Go On" one more f*&$#ing time? Please? With reveb, please?)

-Insert happy meditation pose here-

3. Food: Both Korean and Brazilian food is meat and rice happy and delicious, but foreigners in each country don't seem to miss their own food, but that of other countries. While in Korea, I took 2 trains, a subway, a taxi and walked through a sketchy public market to find the only Indian restaurant in the entire country. That was the only non-Korean food restaurant I ever found if you don't count the one "foreigners breakfast joint" in Itaewon, Seoul's 'foreigner district', where they served toast, eggs and hash-browns.

As for Brazil, it seems foreigners, especially Americans are on a constant quest of "authentic" Mexican food, especially tortillas. That and chocolate chips. But at least, unlike Korea, Brazil does have a much more varied ethnic population and it's not difficult to find fresh sushi, Lebanese delicacies, and cheese fondue, a popular dish should the temperature dip below 25c.

4. Culture Differences: Most cultural differences are obvious and others are more subtle and take time to appreciate but all of them make the experience of living abroad enriching and memorable. Enriching and memorable doesn't mean that you don't have the right to explode in exasperation and frustration, bawling your eyes out, snot and tears running down your face and calling out for your mommy while the waiter passes by, shaking his head as if your crazy behavior just proved that yup, foreigners are weird.

When I think back on my 3 years in Korea, I think I stayed in the Armpit for too long. I should have left that day I exploded in the restaurant and called it quits. Because of this, my memories of my time there are like kimchi; at first, pretty nasty, but once the taste acquired, totally delicious. So, as I pack for my new adventure, I am reminding myself, that sure, adaptation is a process and homesickness is inevitable at times no matter where you go, but that Brazil has a million of it's own special wonders to show me, and it's up to me to stay open and positive to accept them.

I like this funny photo I caught in Cabo Frio, Brazil.

My Christmas Formula

Here is my Merry Christmas formula:


x+y+z<a+b+c

x=time spent worrying about what gifts to buy
y=time spent shopping for gifts including driving and looking for parking

z=level of anxiety when you think about your next credit card bill

a=time spent sitting around the house in pajamas curled up with a good book, or a Christmas movie or a glass of wine/eggnog/hot toddy
b= time spent with loved ones doing activities like admiring Christmas lights, sharing a meal, singing carols, decorating, baking, attending a religious ceremony, and drinking eggnog.
c=number of times you engaged in happy conversations with total strangers just because you feel festive.

Does it work for you?

Sure does for me, my abc's are super high this year, and it's only Christmas Eve! I hope you can recognize yourself in these keywords, my dear friends and family! 

Driving in a snowstorm, Gluehwein, Robson Square ice rink, the Real Vancouver Housewives, ballgown gawking, Christmas light hunting on the Westside, tourtiere, feast from Kushimoto Sushi, crab spaghetti with a friend at La Buca,  wandering at Oakridge mall without stopping at the pit,  red meat yumminess at Edible Canada, pretzel and squeezable mustard, plum pudding cocktail, pulling kid in a sled, stomping on snowmen, homemade scones with homemade peach jam, party at the neighbors, looking at the advent pocket every morning, Christmas stories every night, crafts, drooling at Birks, finding gifts at my doorstep, Merry Christmas messages on my answering machine, Nazrin, the Perfume Shoppe owner choosing the perfect scent for me, Dim-sum lunch at the Golden Swan and trying out TanTsan, Pacman spaceship with the weeboys and breakfast for lunch at the Wallflower, transit loops in the city with my kid, Laloo's birthday party, mailbox anticipation, Lussekatters and more, more, more!

I hope that you are all having wonderful holidays and enjoying the company of friends, neighbors, and family.

Equalizing Bad News

These days, the adult world is filled with disbelief and sorrow. The internet and the news is ballooning with updates and details of the horrific shooting in Connecticut. The madness is contagious, it spreads and spreads, people are angry, blaming guns, blaming government, blaming laws, blaming the system, blaming the shooter...and it continues. How could this have happened? The question lingers and lingers and we cling to the news in search of a reasonable answer.

I decided to put my fingers in my ears, and sing la, la, la, la, la, la! I've decided to return to the kid's world of anticipating Santa's arrival, shiny trees and holiday parties with neighbors and to leave the horrific adult world out of my house and my mind. Is it denial or lack of compassion? I don't think so. It's choosing to stop spreading the bad news. I heard it once. I cried for the families. And now it's time to return to joy, to equalize the negative energy in this world with positivity and love.

Last night, we were invited to a neighbor's house a party. Our hosts, Jeff and Karissa, hung a festive balloons from their ceiling, offered a mountain of food, poured wine generously, hired a balloon artist, and even took apart their bedroom to set up a bouncy castle for the kids. We were happily crowded together carving out spaces to sit on the stairs and all the kids were unbelievably well behaved. Everyone was so happy to see each other, having been cooped up indoors since October and missing our daily sidewalk chit-chats. I got teary-eyed for a moment, thinking of all the places I have lived where neighbors hardly make eye contact when you greet them. I was so grateful for the wonderful community that lives around me; neighbors who actually love to be together.

Surrounding ourselves with good people, that is the way to possibly soften, a tiny bit, the atrocity in Connecticut. To remember, that our true nature is to be loving, caring people.

In Search of Fish Tacos in Rio de Janeiro

So I've been challenged these days. Can you guess what's been the most challenging?

The 3 week cough that went away for a day and then returned as a head cold?
The yummy gingerbread people in my cupboard, singing carols on a continuous loop, testing my patience, knowing that the only way to shut them up is to eat them?
The crusty road rash spread across my son's face after a nasty face plant off his bike?
Telling my mother that her Friday dates with her grandson will be on hold until we come back from our 2 year relocation to Brazil?
Is it the paper chase and important document round-up?
Is it listening to a prospective renter tell me that she's been living in a former grow-op full of mold, mice and electrical issues while her other place is being re-mediated for leaks, and on and on and oh, by the way, do I think that it would be okay to keep a 5 foot freezer full or frozen middle-eastern food on the back patio?
Is it the ever growing list of things to do before we leave? Nope, none of those things.

Staying in the moment is the real challenge. That and doing less. For a few days, I carried around a mental list of "things we need to bring", mostly spurred on by expats in Rio listing off everything they miss from home, and I suddenly I had this belief that I need certain things to be comfortable while I'm away; like my natural toothpaste, and certain type of sandals for my kid, and a blow up pool to set on the bottom of the showers 'cause they don't have tubs, and a life jacket for swimming in the pool at grandpa's and a replacement-less-fancy-so-I-don't-get-mugged wedding ring to wear while I'm down there, and hard-to-find spices and.... Are you reading this insanity?

Those things don't matter. Yes, there will be things down there that cost more, some things will be hard to find or impossible to find and I will miss organic dark chocolate, fish tacos and English books, but that's all part of the adventure, isn't it? Because if it's all like home, then why go at all, right?

In the end, there will be a suitcase sitting at the foot of my bed. There will be only a limited amount of space. Us three, will be on that plane, together, but our suitcases might be bound for Taiwan by mistake...

In the end, someone else might be living in our house,
they might decide to store a skidoo or a stuffed moose on the back patio.
Or maybe our house will stay vacant, quietly waiting for us to come home.

In the end, we'll say goodbye to loved ones and we will cry.
And later, especially when the kid does something cool
or when we're celebrating something special,
we'll wish we could be with them for real.

So, to meet this challenge, here's what I've done in this moment; I've put a ready-made frozen lasagna in the oven, I've sat myself down on the couch while my kid watches cartoons, and I'm looking at photos of our past trips to Brazil, remembering all that is wonderful about it. Mission accomplished!

In Vancouver, maybe a seal would swim up to your boat, but in Brazil it's a manatee!

Now, that's what I call a vacation!

My father-in-law makes my favorite Brazilian dish; prawn and cassava stew!

Farmer's Market

This is the beach in Barra the Tijuca, where I'll be living. No seaweed here!

Can't wait to take the kid up to see the Corcovado on the train!

Happy St-Lucia Day

Nisha makes Lussekatters, 2006

It's been a tradition in my family to celebrate St-Lucia Day, a Swedish holiday on December 13th. There are slightly different versions of how this day came to be and how it is celebrated, but basically, to celebrate the darkest nights of the year, and honor St-Lucia, young Swedish women put crowns of candles on their heads and visit neighbors and friends with sweets. But, you're not Swedish, you might say, and it's true, but years ago my mom decided it would be fun to celebrate the holidays the way they do around the world and we adopted this one quite happily. It was easy, because "Lussekatters" are deelish!

Lussekatters, meaning Lucia's cats are cardamom or saffron buns, shaped more like flowers than cats, with raisins squeezed in them.  My mom got the recipe from a discard library book and as stated on the inside flap; " The perfect holiday gift, Feast-day Cakes from Many Lands will be a welcome addition to every housewife's culinary collection.

Yesterday, I made 3 batches of them because I had a bit of trouble with the yeast. Yeast is finicky; it doesn't activate if your liquid is too cold and easy to kill if it's too hot. The last batch was finally a success! We had some friends over to make them and had a lot of fun! There are different versions of the Lussekatter buns online if you are tempted to try them out, and while you wait for the dough to rise, you can watch this video of the St-Lucia celebrations in Sweden.

Happy St- Lucia Day!