On my way to work one morning a few years ago, I saw that someone had painted: "You are beautiful." on the wall of an overpass. It made me smile. After that, I noticed this was written more and more in random public places around the city. It always made me smile, but I would soon forget about it and I never did find out what it was all about until this morning. I picked up at the library "Operation Beautiful-transforming the way you see yourself one post-it note at a time." by Caitlin Boyle. She states that the mission of Operation Beautiful is to post anonymous notes in public places for others to find, spreading the real truth that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL; we are enough... just the way we are. Her book is full of photos of women and notes from all over the world, abolishing FAT TALK and taking back the power of their unique beauty.
I first started noticing my own FAT TALK in my late twenties. I can't remember when I started, but I've Fat Talked a lot. It starts in the mornings, in the showers, in the closet, at the gym, on the street, at work, while eating, while watching tv, and it doesn't stop. I've done it alone and with others.
"I'm so fat."
"Did you lose weight? You look great!"
"I wouldn't be caught dead in that bathing suit."
"What's with size 0? Is that a size?."
"I haven't run this week, I feel so guilty."
"Don't give me any of those, I'll eat a whole bagful."
The only time I've ever had a break from Fat Talk was when I was pregnant. I was FREE!!! I felt beautiful, round, sexy and happy. It was SO AMAZING to NOT think about weight, size, food, exercise etc... It was such a significant change, I couldn't believe it. That inner voice was gone.
It wasn't long after my baby was born, that the FAT TALK came back. If I managed to tame it, reveling in feeding and caring for my newborn, there were plenty of skinny moms at the new mommy groups who had apparently given birth only a few weeks prior. "Really?" The rest of us, round belly moms, wondered when we were going to fit in our old clothes again. Some moms were already on diets, doing hard-core training in the rain with their babies in strollers. What is with that?? It's sick. The funny thing is that I haven't minded that my boobs are bigger and point a little more to the south that before. I love that they are feeding my boy so wonderfully and he truly seems like he's in heaven when drinking his momma's milk. BUT the weight around the middle? That's not okay. It's not??
This paragraph from Caitling's blog " Healthy Tipping Point" summarizes what FAT TALK really is.
"So, what do we really mean when we say, "I’m so fat"? We actually mean that we are FULL WITH AN EMOTION. Oftentimes, it’s shame. Or sadness. Or fear. Why do we express our inner turmoil by hating our bodies? Because that’s what Fat Talk and society tells us to do. Don’t admit you’re scared, just feel fat! Don’t admit you’re lonely or depressed, you’re just fat! We can deal with ugliness, we cannot deal with weakness. The next time you feel the urge to say, "I’m so fat," think about what you REALLY mean. By berating your body, you aren’t doing any favors. But by honoring your emotions, you’re living a happier, more honest life."
Last week I completed a 10km run in 1 hour and 9 minutes. I trained for it for 4 months, running in the rain with Baby in the stroller. It's been 6 days and the FAT TALK is back. I heard it. Yesterday I stood on a scale for the first time since I gave birth. I couldn't believe it what I was saying to myself. I won't ever repeat it. So I'm fighting back:
This break is well deserved!
Thank you body for taking me to the finish line!
Let's have fun today and move so that it is fun!
My body is awesome as it is!
My body is feeding and taking care of Baby so perfectly!
I am beautiful!
http://operationbeautiful.com/
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